hahahaha... scrap away that diet plan, i was just writing it fir the sake of writing. you know... when i am mad and disappointed and angry, i'll just do everything without thinking twice. that plan? it doesn't work, seriously! i ate 2 pieces of tosai telur right after that. hahahaha...
sean is coming out a new diet plan for me, and our aim is to 'leng leng goh sun lin' (pretty pretty celebrate new year). hahaha... we'll see how la. i always talk number 1, do always last. hahaha...
no worries friends, and LIEW, i'll be just fine.
muaks
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
StaRve 2 DEATH!
29th November 2oo6, Wednesday.
i was quite disappointed yesterday as i broke the record of my life. (or should i be happy cause now i set a new record in the STEPHZ BOOK OF RECORD!)
Yupz, once again i conked out my weighing scale.
Yupz, the needle was broken into 2 even only my right foot was standing on it.
Can you just imagine how seriously heavy i am NOW?
I am looking FAT!
"No, you're not!"
"Hey come on! take a good look at me and you'll see what is FAT..."
"No la, you are tall what, so it's not obvious."
"Come on la, it's only ##kg, this is ideal for you height."
Nah~ i am fed up of all these. if i keep telling myself that it's alright, it's just another kg, it wouldn't do me any harm, etc, i am just going to gain all the weight in the world and die looking fat! So yeah, friends, i needed all your support and not all those 'rationalized' excuses which will only motivates me to eat, eat and eat! My plan now is to starve myself to death. I'll only put liquid into my mouth for one whole month. (can i survive? i'm not sure. that's why i am calling this the'starve-to-death-diet-program rather than calling it the ultimate atkins diet program or anything similar to that.)
i know very well the obvious side effect (i mean the obvious ones cause the not so obvious ones such as health problem does not affect me NOW, so i just don't care.) is...
1) i'll not have the energy to work.
2) i'll be easily irritated and short tempered.
3) i'll be depress.
4) if i were to fail this attemp my picture might appear in the newspaper headlines.
5) if my family were to know about my attemp they'll laugh at me and give no support, and i'll hate them for life (i guess).
but now the only problem is that it's really hard to kick off my plan. MAN! it's hard because i am a very impatient girl. first day is always hard because i wouldn't be able to see the effects and there's no satisfaction! once i do it for a week or so, i will become a lil' more motivated. so yeah, keep me in prayers, whatever it is.
Yupz, no matter what, i prefer to be a skinny dog than a fat dog...
i was quite disappointed yesterday as i broke the record of my life. (or should i be happy cause now i set a new record in the STEPHZ BOOK OF RECORD!)
Yupz, once again i conked out my weighing scale.
Yupz, the needle was broken into 2 even only my right foot was standing on it.
Can you just imagine how seriously heavy i am NOW?
I am looking FAT!
"No, you're not!"
"Hey come on! take a good look at me and you'll see what is FAT..."
"No la, you are tall what, so it's not obvious."
"Come on la, it's only ##kg, this is ideal for you height."
Nah~ i am fed up of all these. if i keep telling myself that it's alright, it's just another kg, it wouldn't do me any harm, etc, i am just going to gain all the weight in the world and die looking fat! So yeah, friends, i needed all your support and not all those 'rationalized' excuses which will only motivates me to eat, eat and eat! My plan now is to starve myself to death. I'll only put liquid into my mouth for one whole month. (can i survive? i'm not sure. that's why i am calling this the'starve-to-death-diet-program rather than calling it the ultimate atkins diet program or anything similar to that.)
i know very well the obvious side effect (i mean the obvious ones cause the not so obvious ones such as health problem does not affect me NOW, so i just don't care.) is...
1) i'll not have the energy to work.
2) i'll be easily irritated and short tempered.
3) i'll be depress.
4) if i were to fail this attemp my picture might appear in the newspaper headlines.
5) if my family were to know about my attemp they'll laugh at me and give no support, and i'll hate them for life (i guess).
but now the only problem is that it's really hard to kick off my plan. MAN! it's hard because i am a very impatient girl. first day is always hard because i wouldn't be able to see the effects and there's no satisfaction! once i do it for a week or so, i will become a lil' more motivated. so yeah, keep me in prayers, whatever it is.
Yupz, no matter what, i prefer to be a skinny dog than a fat dog...
Monday, November 27, 2006
My days...
24th November 2oo6, Friday
Phew... It's Friday!
I've not been going online since long time ago due to hectic work schedule. (and yea, no internet connection.) Currently a DIGI ambassador (oh cheh!), my job is to go all around Klang Valley and rip those RED and PURPLE posters / stickers (as well as those oudated yellow ones), then replace them with the YELLOW ones, isn't that interesting?
"Yeeeeaaaa! One red down! And another purple! And another red one!" (Imagine me squatting in front of the poster, sweating like nobody's business, and pulling down the posters like a mad dog chasing a cat!)
Haha... just exaggerating. But one thing is for sure, it's a tiring job!
Following a team leader, sitting on the madly-and-freakingly-driven car whose driver (the leader la, duh? You think Digi company want to waste these kind of money hiring a driver?) is almost 24 hours sticked to the handphone, being stuck in the frigging traffic, forced to run out into the buffalo and elephant rain to get the materials down from the van, meeting with those hard-to-deal-with dealers, getting to talk to those who admires our shirt, being treated as a bunch of aliens, traveling to as far as Tanjung Malim, Port Klang and Rawang, going into the small kampungs, getting to work as a group, getting one/two free lunches from the leader, felt really pissed off by the team that only knows what is tea time and relaxing while we worked like a mad dog, joking around, sleeping in the car, anticipated for meal time and off duty time, waited for team leaders who went for prayers, busy traveling to and fro the same shop just because the forgetful team leader forgotten his precious bag, got a free lunch from my agent-johnny, felt really bored sometimes when we took a long time traveling or waiting for some Malaysian people (you know, Malaysians hardly arrive at the designated place punctually) and really felt like jumping to any shop and start ripping and replacing stickers, singing some COCONUT song to entertain ourselves, worked with different replacement people, etc.
And yupz, these are basically what I do... At least it is way, way, way better than the PEPSI job where I just stood there like an unsold vase.
.......................................................................................................................
I was a lil' short tempered nowadays. I just couldn't understand what is going on inside me, could it be hormone disruption? Or mentally imbalance? Or just it's the time of the month? That kind of odd and uncomfortable and insecure feeling just came back to me, just like those olden days...
Hey vincent, I missed you too much. Since you left for Singapore, I have no one to really talk to and pour my inner thoughts out (of course, I still got esther, but we don't really meet up that often). It's kinda suffocating because sometimes some things ain't made to talk and share with boyfriend. I guess you know what I meant as I can't really write down things here. Waiting for you here till you come back!
...........................................................................................................
I guess I am kinda slow nowadays in expressing my thoughts with words. My brain is getting rusty. Yea, what do you expect from a girl who is having her 2 months holiday? Yupz, I am enjoying it to the fullest although it's tiring. And yea, just got to know that I've passed my Fundamentals of Marketing!!! Wee... although the marks ain't that good, but still, I PASSED! No more worries, no more marketing! No more sickening and freakingly freaky lecturer who goes into the class telling us that 80% of the students failed this subject! No more hearing his broken English such as "you must know who you are really is..." OMG, I’m free from this nightmare!
Oh wait, I've forgotten my tagline...
READY?
Weeeeeeeeeeeee.........................................
Phew... It's Friday!
I've not been going online since long time ago due to hectic work schedule. (and yea, no internet connection.) Currently a DIGI ambassador (oh cheh!), my job is to go all around Klang Valley and rip those RED and PURPLE posters / stickers (as well as those oudated yellow ones), then replace them with the YELLOW ones, isn't that interesting?
"Yeeeeaaaa! One red down! And another purple! And another red one!" (Imagine me squatting in front of the poster, sweating like nobody's business, and pulling down the posters like a mad dog chasing a cat!)
Haha... just exaggerating. But one thing is for sure, it's a tiring job!
Following a team leader, sitting on the madly-and-freakingly-driven car whose driver (the leader la, duh? You think Digi company want to waste these kind of money hiring a driver?) is almost 24 hours sticked to the handphone, being stuck in the frigging traffic, forced to run out into the buffalo and elephant rain to get the materials down from the van, meeting with those hard-to-deal-with dealers, getting to talk to those who admires our shirt, being treated as a bunch of aliens, traveling to as far as Tanjung Malim, Port Klang and Rawang, going into the small kampungs, getting to work as a group, getting one/two free lunches from the leader, felt really pissed off by the team that only knows what is tea time and relaxing while we worked like a mad dog, joking around, sleeping in the car, anticipated for meal time and off duty time, waited for team leaders who went for prayers, busy traveling to and fro the same shop just because the forgetful team leader forgotten his precious bag, got a free lunch from my agent-johnny, felt really bored sometimes when we took a long time traveling or waiting for some Malaysian people (you know, Malaysians hardly arrive at the designated place punctually) and really felt like jumping to any shop and start ripping and replacing stickers, singing some COCONUT song to entertain ourselves, worked with different replacement people, etc.
And yupz, these are basically what I do... At least it is way, way, way better than the PEPSI job where I just stood there like an unsold vase.
.......................................................................................................................
I was a lil' short tempered nowadays. I just couldn't understand what is going on inside me, could it be hormone disruption? Or mentally imbalance? Or just it's the time of the month? That kind of odd and uncomfortable and insecure feeling just came back to me, just like those olden days...
Hey vincent, I missed you too much. Since you left for Singapore, I have no one to really talk to and pour my inner thoughts out (of course, I still got esther, but we don't really meet up that often). It's kinda suffocating because sometimes some things ain't made to talk and share with boyfriend. I guess you know what I meant as I can't really write down things here. Waiting for you here till you come back!
...........................................................................................................
I guess I am kinda slow nowadays in expressing my thoughts with words. My brain is getting rusty. Yea, what do you expect from a girl who is having her 2 months holiday? Yupz, I am enjoying it to the fullest although it's tiring. And yea, just got to know that I've passed my Fundamentals of Marketing!!! Wee... although the marks ain't that good, but still, I PASSED! No more worries, no more marketing! No more sickening and freakingly freaky lecturer who goes into the class telling us that 80% of the students failed this subject! No more hearing his broken English such as "you must know who you are really is..." OMG, I’m free from this nightmare!
Oh wait, I've forgotten my tagline...
READY?
Weeeeeeeeeeeee.........................................
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
tada!
hey college frens,
it's course selection week!
so yeah... got a few to select...
m'sian studies, statistics for pysc, intro to public speaking, intro to sociology.
if i'm not wrong la, only this few...
and should be no clashes la...
uh... when i thought of course selection, i start to worry about my previous sem results.
uh... so sickening, FOM...
love all, muaks!
it's course selection week!
so yeah... got a few to select...
m'sian studies, statistics for pysc, intro to public speaking, intro to sociology.
if i'm not wrong la, only this few...
and should be no clashes la...
uh... when i thought of course selection, i start to worry about my previous sem results.
uh... so sickening, FOM...
love all, muaks!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Whole Day Thoughts...
6th November 2006, Monday
Is it true that when night falls, human brains interpret information pessimistically? Or is it just me?
Last night I had a chat with Carmen, my brother's gf. I was quite annoyed during the starting of the conversation, or perhaps, I should say that it's a questionnaire from her to me, questions that I SHOULD have answered yes, which will make me seemed to be a more caring and understanding sister.
"So... Did you talk to Sean about buying insurance from your brother?"
"Well, you know, you should support him because home is the place where he can find his strength..."
"You know, he felt unwanted in this family, and FAMILY is what he needed the most..."
"The amount of money that he earned ain't enough, you know? You should ask your friends to buy insurance from him..."
The way I see this is that she was trying to put the blame on me and my MOM, that we are not supportive at all, that we should go all out and be a full time 'finding-client-for-him' agent, that we should be giving him all the money he asked for, and we should just pamper him like a dog.
Of course, being a gentle and petite me, I was patient enough and I didn't want to raise my voice at her, just because I thought I would live with her for the rest of my life. I was planning to leave for my room when she told my brother that she'll go off by herself. So, off my brother went to donno-where.
She started admiring (not that she said it out, but I can see through her eyes. *wink*) my new MP3 that my SEAN bought me. (Yupz, as a birthday present. Stephie:Aww... So Sweet...) While I was happily talking about it, and about how my cousin sister's bf treated her so well, tears started to flow in her eyes.
She was sad, depressed, confused...
Brother treated her more like an ATM machine. She is rich, but she never wanted to rely on her family for provision. Although my brother is so poor, she still loves him, hoping that he will work hard and be able to see the future together with her. But my brother is just so hopeless. He is undeniably lazy, nothing can motivate him and he is the Yes-man who never able to fulfill his promises. He loves to flirt around. He loves to show off things that he can't afford. And he loves to borrow money from friends (and sister, and mom) and never return it back. Then, I finally understand why she was telling me those statements. She finally figured that she might not be there to support him anymore. The only reason (I think) that she is still with him is because she is afraid that when she left, no one will be there to support him. In another word, she hopes to 'give' us back the 'good'.
I pity her, a lot. I think she'd spent more that RM10000 on him, paying for his food, his car, his everything. She was faithful for 6 years, but he wasn't. I can see that now my brother's life is built around her, as she planned everything for him, controlled his expenses, find a part time job for him which the up-line is her sister. If she is to leave him for another guy, his life will be turned upside down and downside never up. I can't even imagine what will happen.
Talking about his debts, I guess, I am very much in fear.
Maybe one day, his friends can't take it anymore and asked my mom to settle the debts... (This had happened twice) That time, my mom will be so heart broken and devastated. She had begun to build her confidence towards him, and that will wreck everything. AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. I couldn't even imagine the scene, she will break down again, go insane and throw everything around the house, and drive recklessly out. Everything is so frightening, believe me, I've seen it before.
Maybe one day, loan sharks will come to our house, with red paints, and chains, and locks and petrol and MATCHES. Maybe I'll die that way...
Sean was telling me that I've been thinking too much, way TOO MUCH. I admit that maybe I'm just too imaginative, but I can't stop thinking because I'll never know what kind of trouble he had caused out there, and what trouble is awaiting him. I'll never know... I thought he was changing, but it's just a delusion, he is a master of disguise.
I am in fear, real fear. I should post my will up here some time soon. I don't want to die leaving my bears and soft toys and clothes and accessories and photos and my bed and my MP3 and my HP behind without any care...
I’m in fear...
..........................................................................................................
It’s 9:24pm now. I am feeling kinda depress, again. For the past week I was getting a lil' happier, because finally I think I can take control of my life, a lil'. But now, I am feeling down and lower than I thought I was. Somehow, when happy things took place, negative thoughts will come along. I am a difficult person.
Nothings really happened just now. It all started when my mom called and said that she'll be late home for dinner. Being sensitive about my meal time ain't something that I wanted, but I just couldn't help it. I got so angry, and I don't think I deserve to be treated like this.
(Well, I always blame someone for my actions. I just couldn't figure out what is wrong with me. I suddenly felt that everyone is going against me, indirectly, and not purposely done. I felt like an idiot to have to think this way. Things just ain’t going too well... Sometimes I really wish there is a person, a role model, and fatherly figure for me to go to when I needed some comfort, when I needed some advices, when I needed... a hug...)
............................................................................................................
Now, talking about happy things...
Saturday was a free and easy day for me, with Sean. We did nothing extraordinary, just watching tv, taking nap, playing computer games, had lunch, went shopping a lil' and have dinner with 2 other friend. It was my birthday dinner. Though it was only the 4 of us, though I was looking forward to celebrating with my khai koh, though I was hoping for a bunch of good friends, I was still happy because we had a good time eating.
Off we go to Milwaukee for some western food. And the 4 of us finish the whole 0.5kg cake, then we went to Jusco for a stroll, and played some arcade game. I bought a toy dog and I was satisfied. At least I am not alone.
............................................................................................................
I wonder why nowadays I missed my friends a lot, and I mean A LOT... Everyone of them meant something to me. I missed my 2 buddies, I missed my form 5 gang, I missed my form 6- the 12 girl band, I missed my college friends, I missed my church friends, I missed my khai koh and the kids that love to hang around him (which makes me a lil' jealous... but still, I’m missing all of them), I miss my Kadet gang, I missed all of them.
I missed the pastors too... =)
Yet, it is saddening that I can't spend my time with them. Are friends really for life? Some maybe, but definitely not all... Yet, I still love all of them...
Cheers friends!!!
Is it true that when night falls, human brains interpret information pessimistically? Or is it just me?
Last night I had a chat with Carmen, my brother's gf. I was quite annoyed during the starting of the conversation, or perhaps, I should say that it's a questionnaire from her to me, questions that I SHOULD have answered yes, which will make me seemed to be a more caring and understanding sister.
"So... Did you talk to Sean about buying insurance from your brother?"
"Well, you know, you should support him because home is the place where he can find his strength..."
"You know, he felt unwanted in this family, and FAMILY is what he needed the most..."
"The amount of money that he earned ain't enough, you know? You should ask your friends to buy insurance from him..."
The way I see this is that she was trying to put the blame on me and my MOM, that we are not supportive at all, that we should go all out and be a full time 'finding-client-for-him' agent, that we should be giving him all the money he asked for, and we should just pamper him like a dog.
Of course, being a gentle and petite me, I was patient enough and I didn't want to raise my voice at her, just because I thought I would live with her for the rest of my life. I was planning to leave for my room when she told my brother that she'll go off by herself. So, off my brother went to donno-where.
She started admiring (not that she said it out, but I can see through her eyes. *wink*) my new MP3 that my SEAN bought me. (Yupz, as a birthday present. Stephie:Aww... So Sweet...) While I was happily talking about it, and about how my cousin sister's bf treated her so well, tears started to flow in her eyes.
She was sad, depressed, confused...
Brother treated her more like an ATM machine. She is rich, but she never wanted to rely on her family for provision. Although my brother is so poor, she still loves him, hoping that he will work hard and be able to see the future together with her. But my brother is just so hopeless. He is undeniably lazy, nothing can motivate him and he is the Yes-man who never able to fulfill his promises. He loves to flirt around. He loves to show off things that he can't afford. And he loves to borrow money from friends (and sister, and mom) and never return it back. Then, I finally understand why she was telling me those statements. She finally figured that she might not be there to support him anymore. The only reason (I think) that she is still with him is because she is afraid that when she left, no one will be there to support him. In another word, she hopes to 'give' us back the 'good'.
I pity her, a lot. I think she'd spent more that RM10000 on him, paying for his food, his car, his everything. She was faithful for 6 years, but he wasn't. I can see that now my brother's life is built around her, as she planned everything for him, controlled his expenses, find a part time job for him which the up-line is her sister. If she is to leave him for another guy, his life will be turned upside down and downside never up. I can't even imagine what will happen.
Talking about his debts, I guess, I am very much in fear.
Maybe one day, his friends can't take it anymore and asked my mom to settle the debts... (This had happened twice) That time, my mom will be so heart broken and devastated. She had begun to build her confidence towards him, and that will wreck everything. AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. I couldn't even imagine the scene, she will break down again, go insane and throw everything around the house, and drive recklessly out. Everything is so frightening, believe me, I've seen it before.
Maybe one day, loan sharks will come to our house, with red paints, and chains, and locks and petrol and MATCHES. Maybe I'll die that way...
Sean was telling me that I've been thinking too much, way TOO MUCH. I admit that maybe I'm just too imaginative, but I can't stop thinking because I'll never know what kind of trouble he had caused out there, and what trouble is awaiting him. I'll never know... I thought he was changing, but it's just a delusion, he is a master of disguise.
I am in fear, real fear. I should post my will up here some time soon. I don't want to die leaving my bears and soft toys and clothes and accessories and photos and my bed and my MP3 and my HP behind without any care...
I’m in fear...
..........................................................................................................
It’s 9:24pm now. I am feeling kinda depress, again. For the past week I was getting a lil' happier, because finally I think I can take control of my life, a lil'. But now, I am feeling down and lower than I thought I was. Somehow, when happy things took place, negative thoughts will come along. I am a difficult person.
Nothings really happened just now. It all started when my mom called and said that she'll be late home for dinner. Being sensitive about my meal time ain't something that I wanted, but I just couldn't help it. I got so angry, and I don't think I deserve to be treated like this.
(Well, I always blame someone for my actions. I just couldn't figure out what is wrong with me. I suddenly felt that everyone is going against me, indirectly, and not purposely done. I felt like an idiot to have to think this way. Things just ain’t going too well... Sometimes I really wish there is a person, a role model, and fatherly figure for me to go to when I needed some comfort, when I needed some advices, when I needed... a hug...)
............................................................................................................
Now, talking about happy things...
Saturday was a free and easy day for me, with Sean. We did nothing extraordinary, just watching tv, taking nap, playing computer games, had lunch, went shopping a lil' and have dinner with 2 other friend. It was my birthday dinner. Though it was only the 4 of us, though I was looking forward to celebrating with my khai koh, though I was hoping for a bunch of good friends, I was still happy because we had a good time eating.
Off we go to Milwaukee for some western food. And the 4 of us finish the whole 0.5kg cake, then we went to Jusco for a stroll, and played some arcade game. I bought a toy dog and I was satisfied. At least I am not alone.
............................................................................................................
I wonder why nowadays I missed my friends a lot, and I mean A LOT... Everyone of them meant something to me. I missed my 2 buddies, I missed my form 5 gang, I missed my form 6- the 12 girl band, I missed my college friends, I missed my church friends, I missed my khai koh and the kids that love to hang around him (which makes me a lil' jealous... but still, I’m missing all of them), I miss my Kadet gang, I missed all of them.
I missed the pastors too... =)
Yet, it is saddening that I can't spend my time with them. Are friends really for life? Some maybe, but definitely not all... Yet, I still love all of them...
Cheers friends!!!
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Photos...
Look at the hooligans behind me!!! They are so funny... *wink*
Argh... it's scary... But not really that scary compared to the Tomahawk(although i didn't dare to even try, i can judge the "scary-ness" by looking at it. haha.). Mei vomited right after the ride. *Pity* 
Looking at the night sky again. Aple is always the professional poser... so cool... haha.
Obscene, obscene, OBSCENE! (Is my spelling correct? aiks!)
Food... Yum!
Happy gals inside the room... With one guy... (the one taking our photo...)Clear your dirty mind! No hanky-panky. haha!
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