i need peace... amitabha i guess...

30th December 2007, Sunday

Scene 1: It's 8.30 in the morning, and the lazy Stephanie just got up from bed, thinking maybe it might be a great day for assignment (although she knew she might screw it up, just like any other day). She managed to watch a few cartoon shows and got tired again slightly before 10am. Happily she thought she should get some sleep before heading for shower and preparing herself for Aple's big day in the Curve.

Mom dashed into her rooms. She knew something was waiting for her because she was told yesterday to go with her mother to give out presents in JLN LOKE YEW. Obviously Stephanie didn't really understand the idea of her mother being so angelic delivering presents to those she-doesn't-think-neccessary cousins, which she never did, except for this year. Her mother just felt obligated to do it all of a sudden. Stephanie told her mother that night that she can't make it because she will be having lunch with friends, and she thought she got the message. well, let's see what happened this morning...

Mom: Time to change.
Steph: What for? Where to? I am just starting to fall asleep (obviously, a little grumpy here).
Mom: What where to? I thought i told you that we're going down to XXX's place to give out the presents?
Steph: I don't feel like going..
Mom: (giving me that annoyed face) don't want go don't want go lah!

Mother walked out of the room and changed. Stephanie lying on the bed, feeling so innocent. Mother finished changing, walked passed Steph's room, and she was sitting on the bed, confused...

Anyhow, she went along...

Reached that place, finish role-playing as a Santarina, rushed back home, and guess what? Her mother actually forgotten that Steph will be having lunch with friends (and Steph just told her last night!). If she was to remember, she might be a little more understanding to giving her a break. (MIGHT...)

Scene 2: Stephanie just got home from lunch with friends and her boyfriend actually tagged along. she went to bed for a rest when her mother, once again, went into the messy room, with clothes all over the floor because she didn't care picking it up after a tiredsome day.

mom: you're getting really untidy nowadays.
steph: ...
mom: oh ya, you want to go for the new year's eve dinner in church tomorrow?
steph: no.
mom: (giving me that FACE) what is your new year resolution?
steph: do i need to have one?
mom: so you have no direction, nothing at all, and all that you know is just your boyfriend and you have no friends, cared about nothing at all except for him? and share everything with him.
steph: (she knows that her mother had been jealous about her boyfriend, but she never knew it was to this extend) what do you mean i have no friends? (i mean, how can she be so sure about that? that just doesn't sounds right!)
mom: your friends are just those few what! (those days when i was really friendly, she worried that i might have too many friends, now that i have more real friends and lesser THOSE friends, she said i have no friends.)
steph: (about the sharing everything with him, i knew she was talking about the bird nests that my close friend gave it to me for my birthday. it was the whole real thing that needs to be double-boiled for hours and it's really nice. the thingy was supposed to cook for 2 person but she make it 3 so that my HOLY BROTHER can have some TOO! so what's wrong with me sharing my bowl with HIM?) i said nothing. obviously i am PISSED.

mom: (trying to divert the topic) have you asked your friend about the price of the birdnest?
steph: yeah, she'll tell me later.
(i forgotten how it all happened, the mother made statements like me giving out so much in the relationship, ignoring everything, becoming UNTIDY, not going to CHURCH, and fucking long story, and we came back to the birdnest story and eventually we argued over it, about SHARING and CARING. Heck! i thought i was supposed to share!)

and what about those things that i did really well? like scoring an A? like forking out real damn RM 235 for that damn stupid perfume as her CHRISTMAS present? and also the STUPID rm 2000++ photos? what did she get me for christmas? what did she proudly told her my results? NOTHING!!! and now she said that i IGNORE EVERYTHING!

i guess i have no regrets if i were to give up anything at all. Say... my grades? or my life?

it's a real damn thing to being commented like that. i really do feel the pinch... ask me what did for the rest of the day? answer, tucked myself to be and had a really big cry. it's KILLING ME!