Sigh..

It's so excited when we're leaving for something long anticipated..
It's so dull when it's time for journey back to the mundane life..
I miss my holiday...

just random...

8th December 2008, Monday

it's a monday and i am feeling happy...
due to the fact that most of the people are not working...
*sigh*
i had too long of silence since the starting of november...

being home alone hadn't been a new thing for me...
habit since i was young...
yet i felt utterly uneasy and perhaps, ultimate boredom when i had too long staying home alone...
i need to get out of the house to do something interesting...
say... SHOP?

my freedom to roam around does not apply to everyone around me...
sean is working...
mom is working...
bro is working (but i couldn't care less)
friends are out of state...

my life ain't so bored after all...
i had some part time jobs...
but it's on weekends...
*sigh*
it's when everyone else's not working...

I always dreamt of a blond hair, blue eyed guy... Ahaha (sickening)


This was one of my part time (working for a Hindi movie as a Extra... ahahaha)

I still have some interesting to-dos around the house...
at least i can take some really nice pictures of my dearest...


One of my furless baby.. Now he is so handsome...


Awesome twins under the christmas tree...


Love them so so much!

.............................................................................

Life has got a toll on me...
there were much decisions to be made...
right or wrong...
easy or hard choices...
detailed or simple...
There is one coming...
i have to really evaluate what we had been through...
the differences we had...
everything will be taken into consideration...
until that day...
that one day...

...........................................................................

Nothing has been more comfortable...
and stress-free...
than to walk around, looking at christmas decorations...
and spending some money buying something for someone worthy of my love...
this christmas would be fun...
and i am anticipating it really much...


*Sean*


Me camwhore-ing under my christmas tree


erm... i am just trying to be a teapot for a big cup and saucer...


*us*


Went KLCC- to Pose around...


Went KLCC- to PetroScience


Went KLCC- had Madam Kwan's Nasi Bojari and Ice Lemon Tea for lunch...

Went KLCC- to kiss a Whale (a really small and fake one...)

And i WENT KLCC!!!!

thoughts

20th november 2008, thursday

browsing through all the older entries in my blog made me realized that i did went through a paradigm shift...
a shift that might deemed positive to some although not necessary so...
but i believe that it doesn't matter which direction i am heading towards now...
it's the effects that counts...

i was once very rebellious...
reflecting on my own past, things seemed rather out of place...
i had trouble with my family...
and nonetheless, with my own self...
being pessimistic, i was particularly upset about my everything...
however, i should say, pessimism is the drive for me to accomplish a lot of things in my life...
it ain't all bad after all...

people got curious,
why am i doing a research on death...
i should say, it's my interest in knowing the things deemed negative...
negative stuff attracts me...
life ain't all rainbow and roses...

though i am now not as pessimistic as i was few years ago,
i am proud to say that i still see myself closer to the negative end than to the positive end...

beware...

updates

17th novermber 2008, monday..

even though i am not going to school today...
even though i am free today...
even though there's nothing much to do today...

i am still feeling the monday blue syndrome...

....................................................

congratulation to sean, for getting the Best Improved Desk Analyst Award from Datacom (current company that he's working in).
indeed, it is a very proud occasion as it is not normal (or should i say abnormal), and hard, for people to get award while working.
it is, however, utterly common, so to speak, for people (like me) to get an award while studying. probably cause the school appreciates students' achievements, or parents are just too kiasu to overlook any achievement that deemed outstanding

not when you are working. there's no longer parents to run to...
(if you are old enough you would be THE parents your kids will run to for appraisal)
when one is working...
there are ofice politics...
there are some people who somehow, seemed better than you..
one have to choose to/learn to work smart..
or work his/her ass out.
there is no longer a safe place/outlet.
working means a helluva stress...

but i see his effort in working for the best, with his best, while doing the best.

thus, once again, congratulations!

....................................................

my birthday was superb!
with my wives giving me a rather surprising "eating-out"
and my haircut with a tortoise tail...
and sean buying me a new 3G handphone...
and also him buying me a mudcake tailored for me from sunway hotel (darn expensive)!
with mummy bringing me out for crabs...
with all the wishes from the ones i loved (friends included)
best of all... with time on my side...

.................................................

i went to one utama the other day just to catcha glimpse of asimo.
asimo is a honda humanoid robot that had already been in malaysia for three times since it was invented (but this was the first time i was seeing him as no one brought me, or interested to bring me to see asimo)
i love the way sean run around the floor, among the crowd, just to get me the asimo paper folding thingy that the personnels were handing out to the crowd.
our mission is to assemble the paper thingy and get a once in a lifetime pass to take a picture with asimo.
it got us into hassle buying glue and sticking the hard paper and trying to fit everything into one piece.
in fact, we did not manage to assemble the full pattern...
while i was in the verge to give up, he took the half folded asimo and ran to the emcee and miraculously the emcee saw his persistence and gave him that ONCE IN A LIFETIME PASS to take picture with ASIMO!

obviously everyone envied us...
i guess some thought that it wasn't fair to give it to us...
however, i was too excited to even bother the crowd.
i saw a couple in front of us, with two kids, and i just asked them to take the photo with us and asimo, cause i know that i should share with someone...
and i did share...

thank you for being so thick face sean. i know it's all because you have a demanding girlfriend who would give you a hell of time and that particular sour face that will drive you up the wall if i don't get to take picture with asimo...

...................................................

have been thinking, why do guys never pay attention to what girls say?
it's tiring to have to repeat..
especially when i really mean something and you just seemed to get the wrong point...
it turns me off so much when i kept repeating i want IT, and a few hours after that (that's after you've filled up your own stomach and played enough of racing car games) and you forgot that i wanted so desperately to eat ROJAK!

it's ROJAK!
can't you figure that out?

and you gave me that "blaming-me-face" that i wasn't understanding enough to repeat that to you again...

bummer...

...........................................................

i am bored..
thanks to u mobile who offered me work and took it back...
i need the money, i need the time to occupy me...
and i need to eat now...

*munch munch munch*

WOOHOOO!

6th November 2008, Thursday

As a proud Independent Project A student, I FINALLY GOT A REPLY FROM DAVID LESTER!!!!

Woohoo!

Professor David Lester is the author of the Death and Dying Scale that i adapted for my final year research. and in order to do some alterations to the scale i have to ask for his permission. all the hours of google-ing his emails came to great reward. the thought of me perhaps found the wrong email or went to the wrong person tortured me for 3 long days. but it was all good when i saw his email this morning and he was kind enough to reply me request.

he's such a dear... researchers' are always generous to help...

-i'm just too happy-

DIGI (The Sequel)

3rd November 2008, Monday



This is the continuation of Stephanie Liew's entry on the beloved telco company.
In the previous episode, we've heard how a loyal DIGI customer got so deeply disappointed with the company, despite her fidelity.
this episode depicts a loyal MAXIS customer, who had no other choices but to work for DIGI because she needed the money for guinea pig's food, and all the most, to sustain own life by buying lots of nice food for herself. =)
that girl, was me...

i've been working with DIGI to promote this new mobile number portability (MNP) thingy in one of the Tesco in klang valley for two weeks now. this event is only for three weeks and i thought it shouldn't be that hard after all to just stand there and promote.

indeed, it was tiring. and to cut cost, they only place one promoter at one destination, thus, social isolation, where there is no one to talk to, nor to turn to, nor to understand the feeling of a promoter in that particular situation (which makes it seemed like the dealer is always right because they have more poeple to agree on something so to say). and nonetheless, i am filled with resentment towards DIGI now (quoted from liew, 2008).

first of all, DIGI is such a kiasu ARSE. you don't even bother (or they called it tak sempat cause it was a very sudden and rush project apparently) to give a call to your dealers beforehand to tell them that we (the pretty girls) are coming over to PROMOTE and not to do close any sales deals. i have to keep producing and swallowing my salive in the process of explaining to the dealer why was i here for (which in turn waste a lot of my energy).

and the best thing is, because the dealer perceived their stall being too secluded (and out of the crowd), they placed me in somewhere near the cashier and escalotor, where i am distant from the dealer.

i have nothing to be ashamed of as i really did work my ass off my pants. imagine this, standing in a place filled with people walking pass me and still i diligently handing out the flyers and asking "hi sir, interested to switch to DIGI?" or "hi sir, nak tukar ke DIGI?" although it was seriously against my principle (as i am still a loyal MAXIS user), i still do it with a smile on my face and i swear the smile not at any point of time got off my face whenever i approach a customer. the dealer was not happy with me giving flyers and he asked me to have a "chat" with customers like "hi sir, how are you today? had your lunch? are you using DIGI?......so on and so forth". i did try also, cause i thought since this is what they want, i will try. and nonetheless, it makes me looked like a street rat (and i know exactly this is what was expected of me from DIGI).

to cut the story short, within the last two weekends that i've worked for DIGI in Tesco, i've been shoo-ed (asked to get off that place and stand back at the dealer) for FOUR bloody times. the initial three times were from a particular indian guard with a red spot on his forehead, wearing typical Tesco guard uniform. but i had it when the fourth time, this bitch came to me and with her nose so highly tilted and that jack-ass attitude came and shoo-ed me and literally broke me as person of whole in front of my customer.

the dealers see me as being very good in lazing around the counter (and obviously they are always right as they outnumbered me, and i have no one to testify for me). the truth is that i was not lazing around. imagine this, being reprimanded for the first time was already too much for me, as i was not used to being shoo-ed like that (not like the dealers, it's their everyday life i guess, they have thicker face cause they've learned it from being scolded by customers and etc). imagine being reprimanded for FOUR bloody times, who on earth would be any more motivated to so anything, at least for that period of time? and bear in mind that this time round, that jack-ass was someone who is way superior than the guard, manager perhaps? as she has this tag and she was wearing plain clothes and she seemed to be of high post to be able to demand respect from other Tesco employees. whenever i got shoo=ed, i went back to the dealer and stood there. customers who approach the dealer were either interested in the displayed hp, or they are already the existing DIGI customers.

maybe it's just me...

i never want to justify myself until yesterday where i one of them sarcastically commented me being "snakey" (or lazy). i defended myself initially but i gave up after that. reason behind it is that they thought they knew everything, and they outnumbered me. and when they all already agreed on something, it makes me seemed like i was just giving all sorts of excuses rather than telling what it really was.

one of the dealer actually told me that previously every promoter stood there and no one shoo-ed them, even MAXIS and other promoters did that and no one gets anything from the Tesco management (again, it seems like me making this big lie about people shoo-ing me). i agreed on what he said, cause i've always been patronizing that Tesco and undeniably i saw lots of promoters standing there PREVIOSULY. but since i started work, i was the only one standing there, and no one else, not at all! MAXIS and whoever from whatever were seen standing only near their booths, not there!!!! he added, if people shoo-ed me, i should tell them that "hey, i need to do my job. and in order to do my job, i have to stand here. what for my boss hire me to stand at a place where i can't get anyone? if youhave any issue, talk to my boss, but i will be standing here."

imagine this, i am working for DIGI, and if i were to lash out these words, what will happen? or probably this was their policy of uncivilised dealers, but i do not see that as a possibility when i was shoo-ed. if i were to know that i can say those words, i will! now that i get the green light from him, if i were to get shoo-ed again, beware! and i no longer want to take into consideration the company's reputation or whatsoever since they don't appreciate manpower.

i only have one more week to go. since they've already see me as lazy, I WILL LAZE AROUND! in fact, i will stand at that particular spot and laze around and if someone reprimand me, i will lash out exactly those things that the dealer said i should have said.

till then, all the best to the telco company.



BLOODY HELL

eek! lecturer?

23rd october 2008, thursday

speaking about lecturers, i had one in mind.

this particular lecturer, i should say, is not as ordinary as anyone thought a lecturer should be like.

ok, let's give the lecturer a pseudonym, say.... ichi (and make it a she)?

Ichi gave a rather outstanding first impression. ichi does not exhibit the usual characterictics that most lecturers portray. she is very much, different.

ichi's way of teaching as well, is out of the ordinary. her expectations of the students, her teaching style, they are all very astonishing (perhaps, i am not using the right word, pardon me, as my lexicon is limited).

bottom line, everything is astounding, in a NEGATIVE way.

...................................................................

perhaps, that is life. i have no complaints as i believe that ichi is just another part of my life where i stumbled upon and fell, but eventualy will pick myself up and thus learning another new set of skills in dealing with another different kind of personality.

it is rather disgusting hearing people being envious of other people's achievement, and thus contributing to formulation some excuses deemed rationale statements (at least to them) to attribute to a person's success. for instance, hey you had an easy-going lecturer but mine sucks! that's why you can get into dean's list. apparently, this example is true for psychology students in UCSI. people thought it's easy to get. bloody hell.

i believe in foolish people thinking foolishly (was that the right idiom? if not then just assume that it's a metaphor, or erm, an analogy?).
if you care to equip yourself with the knowledge in that particular subject/field, plus (not OR), if you are good enough to be able to analyse and predict your own lecturer, then nothing seemed to be so uncertain, or hard ei?

thus, i admit that i am not good in tackling ichi, as i have never come across such a drastic personality prior to encountering her. i have to admit, that if i were to get bad results, it's all about me lacking in skills, but not any lesser in knowledge.

*bummer*

Awards...

12th October 2008, Sunday

My name was in the newspaper the other day, the same day of my UCSI's awards day.



in fact, my name appeared twice in the category of "Dean's list"...



Way before the ceremony, in fact, started early of this year, i had actually decided to attend the awards day (if i happened to get my name in it). I was excited more than anyone does, and i was anticipating some of the people in my life to attend my awards day and be so proud of me...

as a matter of fact, things do not always turn out the way you wished. my mother got the letter way before i knew that my name was in it, and all she had to say is to shake her head and "it's a thursday and i have work".

interpretation: awards day ain't anything more important than work. i'd better spend time in finishing my stuff than to attend daughter's boring awards day.

i asked sean not to take leave to come over and sit through the awards day, cos it's seriously gonna be boring for him, and taking into consideration his working hours nowadays, i thought he shouldn't be there...

i thought i was cool. after a few sessions of ego defense, i thought the day would be so boring, with a lot of people giving speeches, and bad food.
the most comforting thought that enables me in accepting the fact that i ain't going for the award was that "hey! tonnes of people are getting awards, what is so special about those awards if so many people are getting it? i'm not really that outstanding after all."

the thought was sufficient to last me for some time, but not the day before awards day.

talking over the dining table the night before, i hinted a little that i wanted her to go for the day. she said "you always get awards what..."

interpretation: i always get awards so it ain't important to go for this "another" awards day. it's a waste of time if she was to be there for every award.

true enough, i always get awards, but recognition is important for me too. so the end result was me sulking at home during the awards day, and tried to be contented with the newspaper advertisement of my small tiny names.

the need of recognition and appraisal ain't good. i shall internalised it.


*bloody hell*

i thought...

28th September 2008, Sunday

i though everything will be settled after so long...
that i would have at least, a little more understanding of that someone...
but perhaps, it was the consequence of me, not being able to handle the conflict within my own self.

it was too long...
i no longer want to continue...
it would be better this way...

be strong and courageous girl.
i know i can do it...

help...

17th september 2008, wednesday

help...

my baby guinea pigs are not alright...

=..(

they are lsoing hair
it's freaky...
i fed them with milk
i fed them with carrot
i fed them with celery
i fed them with hay
i fed them with pellets
i fed them with multi vits
what went so wrong???

how i wish coco is still here...
she will surely know what's happening...

oh god, i really don't know what to do...
anyone know that i am in despair?
any vet knows how to treat my babies?
i feel like killing myself now...


ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hehe...

7th september 2008, sunday...

Before i forget this one special thing...
to avoid me banging my head to the wall and wailing...
before i start whining about how jam-packed my schedule is for this month...
to avoid people using me-forgetting-something as a threat for a BIG MEAL...
and AFTER i say I LOVE YOU to SEAN...

"I LOVE YOU SEAN!!!!!"

erhem... ok, now i can start dedicating this entry to VINCENT HO TENG SENG...

"HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY DEAR!!!!"

MUAHAHAHAHA!

it's a new sem...

5th september 2008, friday

it's another new sem.
another new bunch of stressful events awaiting.
it's just simply me...
being paranoid at each starting of the sem...
there's none at one point where i wouldn't whine about another new sem...
i would always tell everyone that i don't wanna go school...
regression?
exactamende!
at least, that's what i really felt deep down...

it's not that i hadn't been through anything tougher than what i will be facing...
it's just that sense of lacking in confidence that prevented my excitement about me getting into another higher level and striving one sem nearer to graduation to somehow, emerge...
i thought, i wasn't able to make it every other sem...
i thought, all the achievements were just once and for all and repetition would be explained by the term 'miracle'...

perhaps, like what everyone said, i was just merely being paranoid...
believe in myself? yadi-yadi-yaa....

well, at least it's a great start to end a not-too-good holiday...
a holiday filled with tears and the sense of losing too many things at once...
my pets...
my money...
my sense of self...

phew!
first day of schools, brain overloaded...
assignments pilled till who-knows-when i will finish them off..
it's a short sem...
god bless me...
my conscience RULES!

wee....

*LoVe FoReVeR*

21st august 2008, thursday



This is the story of Pocco...
Just in case you are curious, she is a guinea pig...

After attempting to rear a snake, and a really SOON-TO-BE-HUGE puppy...
My brother decided that perhaps, guinea pigs would be fine for my paranoid mom to accept to...
By the end of last December, we had Pocco-Cutie-Boo, and Pocca-the-ultimate-white-male...



Life was fun, watching Pocco grow...
Our family regretfully, practices favouritism, and i bet by now, you should know which guinea pig was the one favored...

Pocco had this very likeable personality, or should i say, Guinea-ality...
She was always the one whom somehow, flaunt her "cutieness" in so many ways...
She would climb high up just to get to be pampered on the head whenever someone has come home...
She would greet people whenever someone walks out of the room in the morning...
She would be so excited and running around whenever someone sits around the cage, especially when that someone starts unfolding the packet of pellets...
She would stuff herself with all the possible food she found within her small tiny cage...
She just had all the funny characteristics that a typical guinea pig, e.g. Pocca, would not have...

She was pregnant by the time we had her...
And had 4 litters, with only one surviving...



This is Pocci. I should say, she is the prettiest guinea pig that i've ever seen in my life... Serious! you can try to compare the guinea pigs found in any pet shop and you will come to notice that she, indeed, is a beutiful baby...

I thought, it was time to seperate the males from the females...
cause i was afraid that they might mate again...
and Pocco would not have enough time for resting after a period of 2-months of gestation and giving birth to 4 babies...
We did, seperated them for a short period of time...
until one fine day, someone who was selfish enough (not to mention any names here...) decided that they should mate and give birth cause that someone's cousin wanted one...

It was definite that i was not eligible to say anything...
cos after all, they were my brother's pets...
it was him, who brought them home...

Pocco once again, gave birth to 2 healthy babies...



The place by then, was definitely too small for all the 5 piggies... Thus, transformation was affirmative...
We allocated a place slightly next to the living room, and dismantled the cage..
and built them a bigger place...


(I always love this picture... Look at Pocci, she was looking at me so innocently... Next to me, was actually a door bell plucked into a socket... My mom thought they should be having some music therapy once a while... Aw....)

Then Pocci (Pocco's first baby) gave birth to another 2... (Aiks, i know it's complicated...)
Actually i should say, Pocci pregnant slightly after Pocco was found pregnant... (Phew...)





In between the period of us rearing them, there were other big issues, such as them having mites...
Pocco was losing lots of furs and she had somewhat, discoloration...
I went online to check and i thought, oh well, just have to clean all of them up and it's gonna be alright...

Due to someone's (yeah, i wonder who's that...) ignorance, Pocco was pregnant somewhat right after the second time she gave birth...
This time round, she seemed normal to me, although she looked a little too tired...
I told myself, no matter what, this will be the last time she's gonna be pregnant...
I wanted her to rest...

Two weeks ago...



She was still happy as she was after giving birth..
all her cuti-ness were present...
She was still Pocco, at least i thought she was...
Until last Saturday...
When i woke up and saw...



One of the babies was squash...
Real flat...
I cried...
I kept giving myself excuses...
But it didn't work...
I carried the baby, and wrapped with newspaper...
I have no idea how to discard it, but to put it into a waste-paper dusbin....
I look at Pocco, and picked her up...
I thought she was depressed...
Cause one of her babies died...



It turned out that she has not been eating since the night...
And i got really worried...
But i hesitated to bring her to the vet...
cause most of the vets are not well-versed with small animals...
I don't know where to bring her...
and i am really tight these days...
i thought, she would be fine...
but sean insisted on bringing her to the vet...
we checked online, found a clinic, and sent her there in the night...
it was very expensive, and the vet admitted that he knows very little about guinea pigs...
He told us to buy baby formula to force feed Pocco...
and i thought it would be just so simple...
and hoping that the next day she would be alright again...
the vet gave her an antibiotic injection...
and off we went, to the supermart, for Pocco's food...
We fed her, and she ate, really lovingly...
For once, i thought she's gonna be alright...

She slept in a small but comfortable basket with me in the room...
and i woke up in the middle of the night to check on her...
to feed her...
I waited for her to pass motion...
cause she hadn't for a very long time since i picked her out from the cage, considering guinea pigs do it every now and then...
I realized that she wasn't doing well anymore...
she seemed to be unable to swallow her food...
and she seemed to be in pain somehow...
i wrapped her in her favourite towel...
and held her tight to my chest...
i talked to her...
and she seemed to be listening very closely...

The next morning, we brought her back to the clinic...
and this time round, the vet (not the same one) had a little more expertise in dealing with small animals...
Pocco, at this point of time, had diarrhea...
The vet took the stools and examined...
and the discoloration, was some signs according to him...
He looked at her, and said something that i would remember for life...
"This is Bad..."
"Her stools have very high content of blood... it's internal bleeding..."
"You should have brought her to the vet when she had discoloration!"
"She's not going to make it..."
"How old is she? one and a half years old? It too YOUNG for her to die..."

I cried so hard...
So shamefully disregarding people around me...
I just held the basket and cried...

I opted for euthanasia...
but sean rejected firmly, saying that we should bring her home...
I gave in, and i took her out of the clinic...

It was really depressing throughout the whole journey home...
i hesitated to carry the basket cause i can't stand to see Pocco suffer...
I hated everyone who treated her badly when she was still healthy...
I was self-blaming, nonetheless...

We reached home...
I cleaned her body...
and wrapped her with her towel...
took her into my arms...
crying, wailing, and cursing myself...
I wanted to take down some photos, of our last moments...





She passed away peacefully, in my arms...





But i was blessed, with sean by my side all this while...
We buried on the ground, near the swimming pool...

Now all i can do, is to take care of the newborns...



I miss you very much...
everything reminds me of you...
the towels, the syringe, my room, the basket, the cage...
I love you , Pocco...

just knew...

10th August 2008, Sunday...

just realized that i have to let go of all the past and move on with my life...
funny how the latter sounded so familiar, yet didn't make any impact on me, not until the recent incident... or reunion so to speak...

indeed, there was much expectation...
from the very moment the conversation started, i knew i was projecting much unfulfilled childhood expectations.
those were no longer applied when one was so grown up.

perhaps, i have to give in to the saying that nothing can be perfect if it's not of your own.
though it was a little, rather too late so to speak, i am still glad that i was able to once and for all, come back to reality.
once lost something deemed precious, there's no substitution...
perhaps, one would argue the other way round, but in my context, it doesn't apply...

it was good, that this reunion came to my senses, that i should move on with my life...
letting go ain't easy, definitely.
but i am more of an experiential learner, and regretably, i've experience one of a kind...

wee.....

i don understand...

6th august 2008, wednesday...

i don't understand the existence of religion...
really, really don't understand...
never had an answer that is to a satisfactory level in regards to this issue...
and the most i dislike is when Christians who knew i was a Christian BEFORE gave me that silly face of "You silly girl" look whenever they learned that i am no longer interested in their self-proclaimed faith...
maybe cos i have brains and they don't...
cause most of them never bother to question their faith.
it's one of the utmost annoying things in the world that i've ever encountered...
if they've emerged to be able to justify their own faith without condemning others, have sufficient knowledge of other people's faith, open to crticism, and not just shun themselves and hide within their comfort zone, i would very much, give my respect to these people...

i am a deist.

................................................................
i never understand why people say someone has changed...
is there anyone on earth who never change?
that's quite peculiar...
of course everyone change!
when one gets more knowledge of everything in the world,
their schema of things will automatically change,
cause it is assumed that one will get a more thorough concept of the world when one grows...
for instance, when one was young, a chair means four-legged.
when one grows, one can identify chairs not only those with four-legged. a two-legged "thing" can be recognized as a chair either!
thus, considering all these gained knowledge through one's life experience, who then, WILL NOT CHANGE?

i changed. significantly changed!

..............................................................
i don't understand why i felt so moody today...
perhaps, i knew why i felt so bad...
perhaps, it's just a defense mechanism...
to show that i am indifferent...
and doesn't want...
to understand...

me happy

6th august 2008, wednesday

huhuhuhu...
it's been some time since we had REAL time together...
although we've been seeing each other quite (erhem... very..) often,
it's too ordinary that there's nothing much to a happy good feeling...
maybe cos it's just.... too ordinary... and routine...

i really look forward to the holiday...
the feeling is like "alas! it's a BREAK." and we can have fun time together, eating extraordinary food that we don't really spend much money on... =)
but perhaps, the most that i would say i look forward to, is the time where you would leave all your work behind(stress and worries excluded i guess) and only be where i would be, see what i would see, etc...

i know that i would have to wait for another whole long one and a half month before i can tell myself not to daydream anymore,
indeed, i am so eager to chase you off the office and go there now...
but yeah, i guess i have to wait till my finals finish,
only then, Sean can bring Steph there...

Genting! I am COMING!!!

S&S
Muaks!

DONE DONE DONE DONE!!!

3rd august 2008, sunday

after a really long time pondering on how to write this very technical assignment.... alas, i can proudly say that "I AM DONE WITH IT, ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!"
and i am one day ahead of the DUE DATE! wee.....

now that the sem is going to end, i can't afford to give up cause i've BEEN THROUGH SOOOOOOOOO MUCH. every sem is getting harder, and harder, and harder! I HATE PRESSURES!

nonetheless, i still have a final exams to go through. aiks... and next sem the unbearable stress is going to start all over again... I HATE PRESSURES!

i love being a student, yet i hate being a student. (not in the right frame of mind now cause have been up for the whole night figuring how to get this done...)



why is this pic here? i'm not really sure either... =)

thoughts...

22nd July 2008, Tuesday

there were times where this feeling felt so real...
it was a sense of bitterness, with a pinch of heartfelt sweetness...
i guess, i was missing someone...

there are certain time frame dedicated for certain people...
not that it was planned intentionally... rather, it comes with a little suprises, even to me, myself and i.
i guess i was just so inadequate in handling my own emotions, that's why i tend to feel so overwhelmed whenever this feeling invades my thoughts...
often, i have the tendency to reach for the old memories when i am dwelling in that period of missing someone, which will very much be comforting to me... the old, yet great memories...

i've been very much missing my mentors... ppl who are real, and people who took care of me during my phase of turbulence (as mentioned by philosophers to term teenage phase). indeed, i was rebellious and during those crucial times, they were there to guide me to adhere to the norm. as time goes by, they revealed the world to me, and left me there to discover the truth within. i was outraged, i was a rebel, i was hard-to-deal-with, yet they were there, relentlessly guiding me. i am who i am, and a big part of them came from them- pr victor, pr foo, uncle jit, hock man, and all...

nonetheless, the institution which i identified with, and was very glad to be in, was the church. that was the only institution that offered me the opportunity to lead a normal and exciting life, without the constraint of my strict and typical grandmother during those days. self-esteem were given meaning through all the exposure in church. constant encouragement from then, contributed to my self-efficacy, if one may ask why i am seen as being so confident.

in search for an answer, i found everything against religion. skepticism refrained me from believing in any. yet, there must be an almighty somewhere. if wasn't for him, i wouldn't be here.

alstalabista! i've been missing pastors. i dreamt of one few days ago, and it was all sweet and good. i read a blog of another, and i knew i missed out a lot of him. well... they are just so great. 100% affirmative.

i am here....

20th July 2008, Sunday...

dear peeps! i am still here... well and alive...

it's been long since i last gave an entry. well, i had an exciting life! this entry is all about what i did throughout the sem. and i think most peeps who were close to me knew everything about it... but... you can still have something to reminisce about... haha...

this sem.... it was all really about assignments. different kinds of assignment...

there were written assignments, there were presentations, there was this assignment of organizing the whole camp from scratch with a team of vibrant coursemates (from organizing fundaraising events such as Be Psyched and Futsal to the real camp!). then there was this video clip filming and i was busy doing the editing of the whole clip. Phew! this sem is just so darn interesting!

well... this was our first fundraising activity, the Be Psyched day... this was the most worrisome of all, partly because it was the first activity ever organized by this newly grouped team... oh well... this was the one of the highlights- the human auction... and this was what we did to our beloved emcee... haha... (sorry bobby...)



yeah babe... this is the team! all in orange and yellow cause we have to support our steph liew for her student council election!! (and you won!!! woohoo!!!)



second major activity: futsal competition!
this is the winning team for the futsal competition organized! it was for fundraising and we managed to get enough funds from here. love it!



here we are almost dying at the end of the competition. yeah, when everyone was so burned out organizing and worrying about the outcome...



Well, after all the hardwork, presenting to you, THE CAMP! (with all the fun activities like flying fox, pond rafting, high rope, etc...





The steph x2 camwhoring.... *sigh*


Before we board onto the bus and go home... it was a sweet and satisfactory camp after all...


coming through... is the video clip that i mentioned above... it is in youtube, but since i am uploading it (and being so proud as an editor, haha), i thought it's a good idea to show it here too... *wink*

Part 1


Part 2


Part 3

not enough sleep + PMS (i think...)

27th May 2008, Tuesday

I am so cranky!
But peeps that i bumped into were so smiley...
What a wonderful world...

weight management

22nd May 2008, Thursday.



Yup, almost everyone knew that when i have stress attack, what would be my preferred choice of relieving tension.

i have been on really bad diets these days. eating non-stop. while i am working halfway on something and i got stucked, food would be my comfort. i know i will be gaining much weight at the end of the day, but i can't help it. so yeah girls, if i were to complain that i gained weight, you should understand where i come from.

i hope i won't become the woman in the picture though. it's just too extreme....

COCO!!!

My pocoo boo has always been very panai girl. she "weep weep" when i walked pass, and she is always the one making my people in my house smile. just take a look at her cutie pie face...

she was pregnant two months ago. today when i woke up, she gave me a really big surprise. not that i don't realize that she will be giving birth soon, but it's just that i thought it wouldn't be so soon.

*TADA* my coco pie's 2 cutie baby boo!!!!

all PHOTOS...

16th May 2008, Friday.

since people always complain that my entries are dull...
since i've just rearranged some of my photos...
since i am so sleepy in the library waiting for someone...
since i am lazy to do my career poster which is due next tuesday...
since today is friday...
since i am always so adorable...
i decided to post some photos here...


"Mea-nie" me hating Maxis - poor services. *cis*


It wasn't my hand...


It wasn't his hand...


Me and ah-be Victor.


Took in Genting ->My doggie so photogenic.


Me playing with shoe laces... Don't ask me why...


Me with bloated Moo-nie


Me playing with my present from mummy... don't ask me why either...


Victory! Finally i got some honey BBQ chicken from the war field!


Em... Aple poking Liew on her birthday?!!


Big Mouth...


Satay BABI that we missed the other day. But i had it finally... wee...


Melacca's eye


Melacca River- but i dono what i am doing also...


In class? Hooligan!


My cutie pocco pie...


Baby Pocci


Declared husband and wife...


i love you... no mites mites please...