20th september 2007, tuesday
it's 11pm and everyone who knows stephanie tan knew that she wouldn't be awake by now.
but surprisingly, i am...
i have no idea what's happening to me...
doctor prescribed relaxing pills for me the other day when i thought i was at risk of heart attack. ECG shows that my heart is perfectly fine. it was just the symptoms of stress...
i have been very sleepy during the day but can't sleep well in the night...
assignment stress? probably...
relationship stress? possible...
bubble stress? could be... (by the way, bubble is my brother's new puppy)
icon-wannabe stress? no joke man!
stress stress? exactamende!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
myself
18th september 2007, Tuesday
i am really interested in what people think of me, simply because it's a reflection of what kind of facet i put on when i am out there. and i realized that i often frown and made funny expression when people commented about me, i thought it wasn't so nice doing so. *haha*
people says that i am outgoing and sociable. the fact that i prefer very much to stick with people that i have already known for some time does not makes me a really sociable person. i like to be in the state of comfort, without much strangers around me, and doing things that those who already knows me expects me to do, which sometimes do reflects the a certain degree truthfulness in me.
people says that i am optimistic, which is really the extreme opposite of the real me. in fact, i am a cry-baby, often being overly upset over split milk. i can utter some very encouraging statements and optimistic sentences but those are just some tools to keep other people's lives going, and not mine. or rather i should say, those are sometimes, statements to keep a person's sanity in times of distress. direct translation = lies. those are just the way of life, at the very least, it applies to me.
people says that i am discipline. oh no no... if people were to know the true me, i would very much be regarded as one of the extreme most disorganized and messy person in the world. just peep into my life, if you would, or if you can, and you would find someone whom you are unfamiliar with within me. sometimes it's eerie even when i myself thought of who i am deep inside. there are a lot of aspects of life that i have gotten out of control, never able to work things out as it should be at the very first place when i was born. things went a little distorted the moment i decided to lead my life my own way, which makes my live deviated from the norm of life.
people says that i am a good friend. i thought so. but there are others who physically says that i am but do not actually thinks that i am, which equals to lies that keeps people moving the wrong direction. in fact, these kinds of contradictions poses threats to my self concepts as to how i thought of myself. however, i do think that i practices favouritism, as to only some friends i keep in touch and some i just didn't bother to. but rest assure that whenever a person enters my life, it'll be forever in heart. i have a season for everyone in my life.
people do not like me when i am doing my assignments. that i know really well.
there's none at all who has ever seen my true colors, except for myself. sometimes i tell everyone that i don't really understand myself, probably it was because i wasn't trying hard to acknowledge behavior or things that i thought i do or do not exhibit.
who can know myself better than i do? other people can only enhance my understanding of myself. at the end of the day, it is all up to me to decide who i am...
muaks! love all of you very much!
i am really interested in what people think of me, simply because it's a reflection of what kind of facet i put on when i am out there. and i realized that i often frown and made funny expression when people commented about me, i thought it wasn't so nice doing so. *haha*
people says that i am outgoing and sociable. the fact that i prefer very much to stick with people that i have already known for some time does not makes me a really sociable person. i like to be in the state of comfort, without much strangers around me, and doing things that those who already knows me expects me to do, which sometimes do reflects the a certain degree truthfulness in me.
people says that i am optimistic, which is really the extreme opposite of the real me. in fact, i am a cry-baby, often being overly upset over split milk. i can utter some very encouraging statements and optimistic sentences but those are just some tools to keep other people's lives going, and not mine. or rather i should say, those are sometimes, statements to keep a person's sanity in times of distress. direct translation = lies. those are just the way of life, at the very least, it applies to me.
people says that i am discipline. oh no no... if people were to know the true me, i would very much be regarded as one of the extreme most disorganized and messy person in the world. just peep into my life, if you would, or if you can, and you would find someone whom you are unfamiliar with within me. sometimes it's eerie even when i myself thought of who i am deep inside. there are a lot of aspects of life that i have gotten out of control, never able to work things out as it should be at the very first place when i was born. things went a little distorted the moment i decided to lead my life my own way, which makes my live deviated from the norm of life.
people says that i am a good friend. i thought so. but there are others who physically says that i am but do not actually thinks that i am, which equals to lies that keeps people moving the wrong direction. in fact, these kinds of contradictions poses threats to my self concepts as to how i thought of myself. however, i do think that i practices favouritism, as to only some friends i keep in touch and some i just didn't bother to. but rest assure that whenever a person enters my life, it'll be forever in heart. i have a season for everyone in my life.
people do not like me when i am doing my assignments. that i know really well.
there's none at all who has ever seen my true colors, except for myself. sometimes i tell everyone that i don't really understand myself, probably it was because i wasn't trying hard to acknowledge behavior or things that i thought i do or do not exhibit.
who can know myself better than i do? other people can only enhance my understanding of myself. at the end of the day, it is all up to me to decide who i am...
muaks! love all of you very much!
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
holiday?
4th September 2007, Tuesday
herm... it's the last day of holiday for me... tomorrow is going to be another day where most of the students will be dragging their feet to college (at least i would be the one), or line up in front of the unefficient finance department for payment of fees, or just minggle around the campus, eyeing on girls, or handsome-s (handsome-s, here i come!).
nothing significant happens throughout the holiday (except for spending 8 hours in the car travelling to and fro Johor for shows). i spent most of the time alone at home, with no interaction with human beings. food has been my main theme for this holiday as i found out that the most loyal companion would be food. no matter how lonesome i am in the house, food is always around. MUAKS! LOVE YOU TO THE MAX, FOOD!
hadn't been on a holiday. hadn't been thinking rationally nowadays. hadn't been able to master the skill of self control over things. hadn't learn about delayed gratification. hadn't been appreciating others' deeds. hadn't been productive.
have been thinking of going for holidays. have been dreaming of MR. MONEY these days. have been thinking of getting on a new life and leave the old one behind. have been spending a lot, buying mom's company trip's stuff (especially for the kids, oh gosh, heaven for them!) have been trying to persuade myself to be happy going with my mom to her BORING company trip, where i will be her slave in distributing presents and putting my life in danger because when she suffer from stress during the trip, i ain't going to enjoy anything at all. have been thinking of how to shed some fats (yeah, normal for me, have been thinking of that since decades ago.) have been thinking of friends lately, near or far. have been telling myself to pick up myself and prepare for a good start for the new semester (hopefully it'll be a really good start, but i doubt so because my subject is asignment based. so, the equation goes a little like this, assignments = stress = bad temper = family and sean suffering). have been thinking of Kevin.
well oh well, it's the last day of holiday. (STOP COMPLAINING, STEPHZ!) oh yeah, just wanted to shout: THE NEW JAY CHOU MOVIE IS SO DARN NICE! STORY LINE IS ALOMOST PERFECT (at least for me) AND IT'S ONE OF THE VERY FEW SHOWS THAT IS REALLY SO NICE THAT I NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT ANY BUTT PAIN THROUGHOUT THE SHOW! (not even transformers can do it!) haha... *clap clap clap for the handsome JAY CHOU* (i don't mean Hau Shen (if you happens to know this guy, haha)
herm... it's the last day of holiday for me... tomorrow is going to be another day where most of the students will be dragging their feet to college (at least i would be the one), or line up in front of the unefficient finance department for payment of fees, or just minggle around the campus, eyeing on girls, or handsome-s (handsome-s, here i come!).
nothing significant happens throughout the holiday (except for spending 8 hours in the car travelling to and fro Johor for shows). i spent most of the time alone at home, with no interaction with human beings. food has been my main theme for this holiday as i found out that the most loyal companion would be food. no matter how lonesome i am in the house, food is always around. MUAKS! LOVE YOU TO THE MAX, FOOD!
hadn't been on a holiday. hadn't been thinking rationally nowadays. hadn't been able to master the skill of self control over things. hadn't learn about delayed gratification. hadn't been appreciating others' deeds. hadn't been productive.
have been thinking of going for holidays. have been dreaming of MR. MONEY these days. have been thinking of getting on a new life and leave the old one behind. have been spending a lot, buying mom's company trip's stuff (especially for the kids, oh gosh, heaven for them!) have been trying to persuade myself to be happy going with my mom to her BORING company trip, where i will be her slave in distributing presents and putting my life in danger because when she suffer from stress during the trip, i ain't going to enjoy anything at all. have been thinking of how to shed some fats (yeah, normal for me, have been thinking of that since decades ago.) have been thinking of friends lately, near or far. have been telling myself to pick up myself and prepare for a good start for the new semester (hopefully it'll be a really good start, but i doubt so because my subject is asignment based. so, the equation goes a little like this, assignments = stress = bad temper = family and sean suffering). have been thinking of Kevin.
well oh well, it's the last day of holiday. (STOP COMPLAINING, STEPHZ!) oh yeah, just wanted to shout: THE NEW JAY CHOU MOVIE IS SO DARN NICE! STORY LINE IS ALOMOST PERFECT (at least for me) AND IT'S ONE OF THE VERY FEW SHOWS THAT IS REALLY SO NICE THAT I NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT ANY BUTT PAIN THROUGHOUT THE SHOW! (not even transformers can do it!) haha... *clap clap clap for the handsome JAY CHOU* (i don't mean Hau Shen (if you happens to know this guy, haha)
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