19th February 2oo7, Monday...
little house visitation done, so less ang pows today... =)
perhaps, i was expecting too much of him, and i've overestimated myself during this supposed to be 'the-happt-time-of the-year'... the more time we spent together, the more i am doubting myself... do i really want to be serious in relationships? is he really the one? well, as my mom once said, it's just too soon to judge. what do you know? i am still young! =)
argh!!! there's really too much to think now...
i just want a happy and easy life, where the family members welcome me, where that someone got time and money to pamper me, where i no longer will be worry about my life.
i just want to love myself, and feel the love of the others too...
Monday, February 19, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
...
18th February 2007, Sunday.
the first day of chinese new year. perhaps, i should say that the day was good... with a lil' tantrums here and there.
............................................................
was admiring other people's life.
my cousin sister, who is only a year older than me, foumd her true love and will be getting married by september.
another cousin sister, same age with my brother, 3 years older than me, will be getting married by june.
one of my form 6 best-ie, seemed to be really really happy about her boyfriend. really envy the both of them. i saw their photos, and oh my god, their life is just so... happy...
mine?
getting boring. nothing to look forward to any longer. but maybe that's the price of getting involved in a serious relationship.
ah~ whatever...
the first day of chinese new year. perhaps, i should say that the day was good... with a lil' tantrums here and there.
............................................................
was admiring other people's life.
my cousin sister, who is only a year older than me, foumd her true love and will be getting married by september.
another cousin sister, same age with my brother, 3 years older than me, will be getting married by june.
one of my form 6 best-ie, seemed to be really really happy about her boyfriend. really envy the both of them. i saw their photos, and oh my god, their life is just so... happy...
mine?
getting boring. nothing to look forward to any longer. but maybe that's the price of getting involved in a serious relationship.
ah~ whatever...
Saturday, February 10, 2007
saturday
10th Feb 2007, Saturday.
it's a saturday and i didn't had a good start for the day, maybe i just shouldn't place so much expectation on him. what a fool i've been.
having a morning class on saturday ain't something that i hate like most of my mates do. i was actually quite excited. yet, it was, by all means, spoilt.
..............................................................................
mom hadn't been feeling well this few days. indeed, her situation had worsen on friday, and it was actually a big day for my mom as friday night would be the first time in her 50 years of life to actually be in the concert of one of her favourite singer, cliff richard. (believe me, i've heard almost every song that he sang, since i was a young kid.)
.............................................................................
this week was an emotional week for me. there're a lot of issues that popped up in my mind. sometimes i just couldn't cope with all those junks. crying in the dark ain't something pleasurable.
*getting cranky now*
i guess i'm just sleepy...
it's a saturday and i didn't had a good start for the day, maybe i just shouldn't place so much expectation on him. what a fool i've been.
having a morning class on saturday ain't something that i hate like most of my mates do. i was actually quite excited. yet, it was, by all means, spoilt.
..............................................................................
mom hadn't been feeling well this few days. indeed, her situation had worsen on friday, and it was actually a big day for my mom as friday night would be the first time in her 50 years of life to actually be in the concert of one of her favourite singer, cliff richard. (believe me, i've heard almost every song that he sang, since i was a young kid.)
.............................................................................
this week was an emotional week for me. there're a lot of issues that popped up in my mind. sometimes i just couldn't cope with all those junks. crying in the dark ain't something pleasurable.
*getting cranky now*
i guess i'm just sleepy...
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Valentine's day...
7th February 2oo6, Wednesday.
"it's the most, wonderful time, of the year..."
nop, it's not christmas.
it's a few days to chinese new year.
it's valentine's day.
..............................................................
yesterday suddenly i realized that life ain't no fun at all. there are different stages in life and we need to learn different things during each stage. but when u are able to adapt to certain thigs and be comfortable with it, guess what? it's time to move on to another stage. i figured that i am really really bad in adapting new things and environment, maybe that's why i usually turned into a defective product before i know how to cope with it in every stage.
i was a difficult kid, a really rebellious one. i made life difficult for my mom, and my life, by all means, ain't memorable (or i could say... i hate it...). by the time i've grown out of that stage, i figured that i'll need to move on to another stage - parenting, another difficult stage. if i'm lucky enough, i'll get some easy-going children who wouldn't care to create any problem or headache for the parents. but if i get a kid like myself (god forbids), it's another time of hell for me. then, when my kids are so grown up, i might live alone, reminiscing about the times of failure, pondering what have i done in my life, and figured that it's a mess. i might just appear in the newspaper, say... The Star, for commiting suicide at old age due to unresolved mid-life crisis. so, what's up for a better life?
*pessimist*
................................................................
people who live happily doesn't neccessarily have all the money in the world (something that i am dreaming of- money, money and more MONEY), but someone who knows how to utilise every opportunity that he/she has, also someone who appreciate everything that he/she has (just the opposite of me - a whiner). valentine's day... i kept giving excuses not to celebrate. no money la, no this la, no that la... i mean, come on stephz! (yeah, i am talking to myself again, just like those days. nop! i am not schizophrenic! i don't see 'things'.) i need to live like tomorrow never comes! what if i die tomorrow? or like others say, the end of the world might just be tomorrow, or even the next second. ???
i just wanted to learn to be happy again. it's tiring having to think of negative things. it really burdens me a lot. my mom told me that i've changed so dratically since my teenage years. sean told me that i wasn't who he used to meet. yet, the both of them still sees me as a princess, lovingly holding my hands thru ups and downs. i should really appreciate everything that they did to me, the effort put in to shape me, or else i would be tagged as a juvenile...
valentine's day... i don't need anything huge. i don't need you to be there whole day for me, i don't even expect any present from you cause i know your priorities and i am happy about that... i just hope that it'll be a significant one, a memorable one, maybe just going out for a not so expensive dinner? anythng at all... we wouldn't know what will happen next, and i see it as a privilege being able to celebrate events as such together, as a couple. we might not last forever, things might change over time, yet... i just wanted to spend this time together.
so yeah stephz, be happy.
and i love you mummy.
i love you too sean...
yeah... yeah... i smell jealousy arousing...
i love you too vince and esther..
and you, you, you and you!!! (the married gang!)
"it's the most, wonderful time, of the year..."
nop, it's not christmas.
it's a few days to chinese new year.
it's valentine's day.
..............................................................
yesterday suddenly i realized that life ain't no fun at all. there are different stages in life and we need to learn different things during each stage. but when u are able to adapt to certain thigs and be comfortable with it, guess what? it's time to move on to another stage. i figured that i am really really bad in adapting new things and environment, maybe that's why i usually turned into a defective product before i know how to cope with it in every stage.
i was a difficult kid, a really rebellious one. i made life difficult for my mom, and my life, by all means, ain't memorable (or i could say... i hate it...). by the time i've grown out of that stage, i figured that i'll need to move on to another stage - parenting, another difficult stage. if i'm lucky enough, i'll get some easy-going children who wouldn't care to create any problem or headache for the parents. but if i get a kid like myself (god forbids), it's another time of hell for me. then, when my kids are so grown up, i might live alone, reminiscing about the times of failure, pondering what have i done in my life, and figured that it's a mess. i might just appear in the newspaper, say... The Star, for commiting suicide at old age due to unresolved mid-life crisis. so, what's up for a better life?
*pessimist*
................................................................
people who live happily doesn't neccessarily have all the money in the world (something that i am dreaming of- money, money and more MONEY), but someone who knows how to utilise every opportunity that he/she has, also someone who appreciate everything that he/she has (just the opposite of me - a whiner). valentine's day... i kept giving excuses not to celebrate. no money la, no this la, no that la... i mean, come on stephz! (yeah, i am talking to myself again, just like those days. nop! i am not schizophrenic! i don't see 'things'.) i need to live like tomorrow never comes! what if i die tomorrow? or like others say, the end of the world might just be tomorrow, or even the next second. ???
i just wanted to learn to be happy again. it's tiring having to think of negative things. it really burdens me a lot. my mom told me that i've changed so dratically since my teenage years. sean told me that i wasn't who he used to meet. yet, the both of them still sees me as a princess, lovingly holding my hands thru ups and downs. i should really appreciate everything that they did to me, the effort put in to shape me, or else i would be tagged as a juvenile...
valentine's day... i don't need anything huge. i don't need you to be there whole day for me, i don't even expect any present from you cause i know your priorities and i am happy about that... i just hope that it'll be a significant one, a memorable one, maybe just going out for a not so expensive dinner? anythng at all... we wouldn't know what will happen next, and i see it as a privilege being able to celebrate events as such together, as a couple. we might not last forever, things might change over time, yet... i just wanted to spend this time together.
so yeah stephz, be happy.
and i love you mummy.
i love you too sean...
yeah... yeah... i smell jealousy arousing...
i love you too vince and esther..
and you, you, you and you!!! (the married gang!)
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