Alas, a positive view in my life

17 October 2009, Saturday

Preferences are so subjective.

I came to realize that things must not necessarily be done in such a way.
I stumbled upon the option of reacting in a way i never thought possible until i witness someone doing it.
I wondered off to my own world and dwelled in it too much, until reality hits me hard on my face.

There were a lot of things in me that i do not appreciate and ain't proud to have.
But i am glad that i am constantly exploring possibilities and occasionally realizing things that hadn't been within my consciousness for only-god-know's-how-long...

Simply said, I am loving & hating my job now.

Work

29 July 2009, Wednesday

I GOT MY SALARY!
YAY!


*and my colleagues aren't so bad after all... It was just an ego defense system to say that they are evil and i am all saint.

WOOHOOO!

working in MV

9th July 2009, Thursday

It's getting to the near end of the week... But there's nothing much to celebrate cos working in this department means hell at every end of the week... There will be Work-In-Progress (WIP) meeting every friday and thursday would be the day whereby all the colleagues will be very anxious and stressed, little things can get on their nerves easily.

today is the second thursday that i've been through. Nonetheless, i have to be stress a lil' too cos colleagues tend to be envious towards the stress-free me and will start pumping up some work/shit for me to do, eg cleaning someone's table. well, i do have a small presentation this coming WIP meeting and i guess i should wet my pants to show them how stress i am.

last WIP meeting was dramatic. no one would ever imagine how it went. Working in big corporate company sounded like a dream come true but reality struck- it was the other way round. you'll never be able to imagine how sarcastic, straight-forward, and insensitive your bosses are. they can scold you idiot straight on your face. they can isolate you and make you feel like hell. things are not as systematic and as organized as you thought a corporate company should be. there are a lot of bitches and dickies on the run to hook you up with some kind of fault.

of course, it was a culture shock for me. having the discipline to clock in puntually everyday also indicates that i have the tendency to clock out on time. you can't have the best of both worlds. but the fact that they do not understand how much effort i've put in to adjust to this new environment makes it harder for me as a new kid on the block. *BIG SIGH*

things hadn't been going on too well for me, with people constantly criticizing, double standard, being in an out-group, etc etc. I am tired yet i am confident that if i were to persist, i can gain a lot from here and move on.

signing off,
tan...

sigh

2nd July 2009, Thursday

Working in MV wasn't something that i find interesting, at least it speaks for the first day...

I am an Intern, thus no induction program for me
no induction program simply means that i sit around waiting for people to guide me and give me some interesting work
however, people are just too damn busy preparing for the mega sales carnival
when people are busy indicates that i had nothing significant to do but to sit around and not be bothered
the uncertainties of what time i should be out for lunch, what time i should be heading home doesn't make me feel awesome working under a complete strange environment...
at least being a receptionist i am familiar with the settings and people and i know good enough that no one would bully me
some people over in that department gave me the first impression of "u-better-respect-me-cause-i-am-an-egoistic-asshole"

so yeah, that comcludes my first day of MV working experience.
ain't gonna give me any motivation to head to work..

15th June 2009, Monday

I am very lazy lah!!!!
*chinaman accent

lazy to update all the sites that i am affiliated with...
i updated facebook with photos, and lazy to update my blog...
i updated the both, i am ignorant towards friendster now...
i am super lazy to update everything at the same time because i am lazy of repetitive work and isn't it redundant to do both?
i am assuming ppl reading my blog would have my facebook account...
fb acct: private_cg@yahoo.com
so yea, i am super lazy now...

why la?????????/

.....................................................

By the way...
Happy father's day!
to no one...

all these while, wishes sent were not received.
thank you's received were not genuine.
so yea,
happy father's day
to no one.

......................................................

prom's on the way...
hair got haywired...
kinda ugly looking...
and color faded...

no thoughts as to what to wear...
not planning to shop for one...

not enough income for a grand me...

......................................................

sigh...
i'm down low...
i guess, cos it's monday...

Colorful

2nd June 2009, Tuesday

Waking up everyday just to find myself standing in front of the wardrobe pondering what to wear is not something i find pleasurable...

i am not the OL type (Office Lady) therefore i don't fancy office-liked dresses...

They WoW-ed me!

28th May 2009, Thursday

I MOST DEFINITELY ADORE THEM!

time to put that smile upside down

26th May 2009, Tuesday

Things are just so awkwardly amazing....
And as i grow, i started believing in fate...
A lot of things amused me so much but nothing much can be of an answer to those questions that i had in mind...
Spirits, energy, fate...

So there i was, walking towards south tower of Gardens...
I met up with steven raj, and he looked awesome with his body built...
I held all the certs in my hand, never even had the time to think about what would i be questioned, and how i should answer...
The day before was a mess for me, and there were a lot of hang-over distressing thoughts i carried with me to the interview...
I can't stop thinking why was i so gullible...

This interview meant nothing more than just trying my luck after waiting for such a long gruesome period of time...

There i was, being brought into the director's room...
i was nervous by then as i came back to reality...
as i realized that i am going through a serious interview, i kind of lose my head a little...
Interview ended.
and on my way home i receive the call...
i got the job...

Being called once again, to be informed that i was shorlisted after a long while, everything seemed so awkwardly awesome...
to pull through the interview, to being confirmed that i am getting that job, it's awfully distressing...

it's strange how i got shortlisted and being offered shortly 2 hours after the interview...
i thought they have more candidates to interview...
i thought i can sit comfortably in this receptionist chair without having to crack my head to think of how to tell the bosses that had been so darn good, at least to me...

Accepting this job means that i will be staying on for quite a period of time...
I will have to forego my postgraduate education at least for a year of two...

Too much things, too little room for thought in my mind now...

well, at least if i were to persist long enough, i will get my own namecards from mid valley... glamour....
yay?

25th May 2009, Monday

WHY AM I SO GULLIBLE??????

Don't mess with me la!

23rd May 2009, Saturday

Just when i thought i was contented with my working life...

Mid Valley CALLED TO INFORM ME THAT I AM SHORTLISTED AND ASKED ME TO GO FOR AN INTERVIEW WITH THE DIRECTOR!!!

i've been waiting since forever...
i've been sms-ing and calling since forever...
i've been crying over it since forever...

but now....
why must you call after i've settled for another job?
why must you call when i've tried my very best to talk myself over it?
why must you call when i thought i've forgotten about you????

IT'S FREAKING STRESSFUL FOR ME!!!!!

working life

23rd May 2009, Saturday

My life has been a little more uplifting...
Although I wasn't so keen about the job that i am currently doing,
Although i am not fond of talking about my job title,
I am not hating it either...

I have my own workstation...
I have a bunch of colleugues who would definitely not throw trashes on my table and demand something deemed impossible from me...
I have my own workstation where i have total control over it...
I have designated tasks to complete and not to be bossed around...
I can order anything that i think should be replenish...
Power and control over these small things were great as i know that at least i am not being treated as trash cleaner or office boy...
I have bosses who knows who i am and at least are treating me well for this point of time...
I kind of have some planning for at least a year down the road, knowing what i can possibly do, with a few possible options to choose from...
I appreciate my sleep more...
I cherish weekends like I never had one before...

Well, all these might change, but at least i am contented with who i am now...

My days of work (in chronological order)















Weekends were spent with mom...
eg. Watson's big make-up thingy the other day in 1U
Yes, i am with make-up *roll-eyes* I can do way better than them...





Had fish the other day.... Everyone one fish...
*yum*
Apparently everyone there orders one fish per person....
Don't really know why...
But it's yummy, and famous...





And I pet my pet...
=)



Yes, that was her purr-ing sound...
She's so manja!

19th May 2009, Tuesday

Working is something that i looked forward to,
But only applicable if i were to work on something that i am interested in...

I always liked to dress up nicely,
provided it's once-in-a-while occasion and not a daily routine...

I'm always punctual,
But it's really too much to be 2 hours earlier everyday...

I do treasure the time spent with my mother,
but not seeing her everyday every hour...

........................................................

There were too many issues ongoing in my mind...
But if you were to ask me how's work...
I guess i would say, at least i feel a little more useful than stay at home...
And yay, i have my own workstation where i can bring in my slippers, my water bottle, my cup, my soft toys, my bed, my potty, my kitchen, my guinea pigs, H1N1 virus.... you know what i mean....

But the last thing i hated most would be this...
"So where are you working now?", one might ask...
"In mom's company.."
Before i can finish the sentence, someone would yell
"She's not under me!!"

I totally despise her attitude.
It's bad enough that i have to see her everyday every moment.
why so defensive?
yes, your daughter's working in the same company, so what?
can't you be proud?
who's idea was that at the very first to work here huh?

FYI, she's really a drama queen.
really is...

parents are great only when you see them once a while...

12th May 2009, Tuesday

Days were gloomy for more than a month...
when life seems to be meaningless, friends came around and it was very comforting to know that there were many others who can share their laughters with me throughout those days...
I guess it's no harm to experience extreme depression once in a long while...
it opens up my mind tremendously to feel the intensity of the contradicting emotions...
i don't really know what am i writing anymore, cos it's been quite some time since i'm engaged in deep, meaninful, positive thoughts...

the main point is, i am truly grateful to have friends...
i had never felt so deep appreciation towards friendship...
in the midst of me giving stress to myself, constantly pressuring myself, and having really pessimistic thoughts of my future, they made great companies...
they tried to understand, even if they don't, they were very supportive...
i am glad that i had a bunch of friends who are very positive and encouraging and genuine...

Penang trip with my wives were superb in giving me an emotional boost...


They were people whom i can talk to in regards to anything under the sun...
They were never judgemental towards me...
I am truly lucky to have them by my side...
Each of them is different, but unique...
Let me show you one...


And this is the group pic in Penang...
Thanks Gwen for the accomodation and all...


After the trip i had 3-days work with Magnolia...


Then had Early Mother's Day celebration as Kau Fu's going to NY for 20days work...
I so love my family...
Especially my kau fu...
He was the only male role model for me when i was young...
and he did a great job...


Then when i was really down under, i had no outlet, no one to go to...
That's when Aple came to the pic...
She is a very sincere friend...
Thanks Aple for doing everything you did...
If it wasn't you, i guess i still can't get out of that pit...
Aple brought me all the way up Genting...
And that was me camwhoring with her car and her...


Then we met Gwen and Yuki and Boss up there...
It was pure luck...
And the feeling was so great meeting them there...
Gwen's one of those who can make me teary if i see her during my bad days...
don't really know why...


Then it's Johor trip with shanna, hui ru, kwang, and mei mei...
With good food, and good travel companions, who can be depress any longer?


They brought me to KOPI 434 to buy some KOPI O...


Then had bak kut teh in the morning...
and yes shanna, hui ru's dad's awesome!
so were ur dad, and mom, and hui ru's mom...
All were so friendly and welcoming...
and both of you were very good host...


i had eye-bag...


it was a sungai, not sea...


nana's passion fruit tree...


nana's grass


nana's house...






I was worried at first...
Cos i was kinda the last-minute passenger, and i wasn't sure whether i can cope with my own emotion so not to spoil the whole trip for others...
I was uncertain of how well i can control myself...
yet, it was effortless..
everyone of them was cheerful, humorous, and good enough for everything...
i really do appreciate all of you girls, and erm... guy... =)

On mother's day, me, mom, and grandma went for dinner..
it was simple, but nice...
and i love them all...


in between moments, i had some time out with esther and vincent...
and thought of many others who had been in my life...
friends are really great...

i went to genting... played bowling...


took photo with horsey...


and a camel (right? no i think it's still horsey...)


with who?
i had no idea how to address him anymore....

anyone wants?

6th may 09, wednesday

*posted in lowyat.net also. if interested pls contact me =)

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6th May 2009, Wednesday

I had it this time round...
At last I had enough reasons to really do it...
I won't have any regrets now...
I really had it this time...

I am officially single.

I AM SICK OF YOU!

4th May 2009, Monday

It has been a long and fulfilling weekend...
with friday being the public holiday, i had three consecutive shopping days...

everyday went really well, with well-planned shopping routine, and with something in mind to buy...
if they were ordinary days, i would be very satisfied...
but too bad, they weren't...

I had in mind too many things...
I am yet to get a job that i am really interested in...
I am yet to commence my work, and today's already Monday, which i should already been starting work...
I am very restless...
when can you confirm my job offer?
almost everyone's been working for this freaking internship, why not me?????

I had a grade lower than what others think i should be getting...
when i knew it was a B, i thought i was fine...
but when mom start bugging me, it turned out upsetting to me...
i am too into what people's expectations...

i've always been very into exams and assignments...
cos although it requires knowledge to answer, another part of these that i find it fascinating, is my ability to gage what the lecturer wants for exams...
i always thought of what were required out of me, which questions would be out, and how well i can catch the lecturers' mind when i study for exams or assignments...
higher grades, simply meant that i got the lecturer right...
lower grades, indicated the other way round...
this time round, i had it bad...
but i never doubt my knowledge....

BIG SIGH...

The day where everything felt crappy...

16th April 2009, Thursday

a ball of negativity just came rolling by and i picked it up swallowing it....
now it got stucked somewhere not even saliva can wash it down my throat...

it's the day where everything seemed to be so crappy...

11th April 2009, Saturday

I am always fascinated about other people's life.
How people can become so successful...
How people have such a wonderful life...
How people have such a good luck in everything...

one of them, that i am really really really interested in (or envious about), is MADDOX JOLIE-PITT...












People can be so lucky..
From dirt to fame...
From poor to rich...
From unknown to known...

I am envious about him...
with such a life...
with such a family...

me?
sturggle to find a job...
when i found something i am interested in, people questions me, doubt my strength, took away my confdence.
i'd ran out of ideas...
sigh...
what a pitiful me....