Valentine's day...

7th February 2oo6, Wednesday.

"it's the most, wonderful time, of the year..."
nop, it's not christmas.
it's a few days to chinese new year.

it's valentine's day.

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yesterday suddenly i realized that life ain't no fun at all. there are different stages in life and we need to learn different things during each stage. but when u are able to adapt to certain thigs and be comfortable with it, guess what? it's time to move on to another stage. i figured that i am really really bad in adapting new things and environment, maybe that's why i usually turned into a defective product before i know how to cope with it in every stage.

i was a difficult kid, a really rebellious one. i made life difficult for my mom, and my life, by all means, ain't memorable (or i could say... i hate it...). by the time i've grown out of that stage, i figured that i'll need to move on to another stage - parenting, another difficult stage. if i'm lucky enough, i'll get some easy-going children who wouldn't care to create any problem or headache for the parents. but if i get a kid like myself (god forbids), it's another time of hell for me. then, when my kids are so grown up, i might live alone, reminiscing about the times of failure, pondering what have i done in my life, and figured that it's a mess. i might just appear in the newspaper, say... The Star, for commiting suicide at old age due to unresolved mid-life crisis. so, what's up for a better life?

*pessimist*

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people who live happily doesn't neccessarily have all the money in the world (something that i am dreaming of- money, money and more MONEY), but someone who knows how to utilise every opportunity that he/she has, also someone who appreciate everything that he/she has (just the opposite of me - a whiner). valentine's day... i kept giving excuses not to celebrate. no money la, no this la, no that la... i mean, come on stephz! (yeah, i am talking to myself again, just like those days. nop! i am not schizophrenic! i don't see 'things'.) i need to live like tomorrow never comes! what if i die tomorrow? or like others say, the end of the world might just be tomorrow, or even the next second. ???

i just wanted to learn to be happy again. it's tiring having to think of negative things. it really burdens me a lot. my mom told me that i've changed so dratically since my teenage years. sean told me that i wasn't who he used to meet. yet, the both of them still sees me as a princess, lovingly holding my hands thru ups and downs. i should really appreciate everything that they did to me, the effort put in to shape me, or else i would be tagged as a juvenile...

valentine's day... i don't need anything huge. i don't need you to be there whole day for me, i don't even expect any present from you cause i know your priorities and i am happy about that... i just hope that it'll be a significant one, a memorable one, maybe just going out for a not so expensive dinner? anythng at all... we wouldn't know what will happen next, and i see it as a privilege being able to celebrate events as such together, as a couple. we might not last forever, things might change over time, yet... i just wanted to spend this time together.

so yeah stephz, be happy.


and i love you mummy.
i love you too sean...



yeah... yeah... i smell jealousy arousing...
i love you too vince and esther..
and you, you, you and you!!! (the married gang!)