ending my semester...

4th April 2008, Friday

At the end of every semester,i always realized that my strength is actually more than what i can imagine. probably it's due to the fact that i am a pessimist who always thought that i will not be able to do or to acheive something under situations that are not according to my own sets of norm. but what came to my surprise is that events that are of deviation from the norm actually gave me the opportunity to maximise my strength. what an enormous move to discover my true self, which i am vey much delighted to do so. and i am happy to announce that i am approaching a step closer to the optimism, which no longer place me in the position of extreme pessimism.

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in layman story telling, i am just simply a happier person who discovers that i have in myself something more than i thought i had. for instance, i thought that i couldn't finish my assignments on time because there were really too much work to be done. but to my amaze, i did manage to finish all my individual assignments way before the due date, which allows me time to proof read and cross check my information.

i still remembers the feeling of tension and stress when realization of the amount of assignments at hand took place. it was a mixed feeling of anger and frustration, with a hint of suicidal feeling altogether. i regretted taking so many hectic subjects and i start to condemn myself to the maximum. i sms few of my lovely college friends and told them how i was feeling (which is a usual thing for them to receive such sms-es. they just know who they are dealing with...). things were so messed up with no proper schedule and no hint of what i have to do or even how to start. insanity streaks, yet there was a part of me that knows very well how to deal with this situation. but at that point of time, everything is doubtful, confidence was supppressed to the lowest possible level by my own consciousness. i felt really doomed for that point of time.

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well, as usual, things worked out well. now that i've been thru this type of situation, i know briefly which part of me should be activated and which part of me should be suppressed when i am faced with the same amount of hectic and stressful occasion. i am geared up for the next semester. however, being skeptical, i am still in the midst of doubting my own abilities to conquer the remaining semesters and emerge victorious at the end of the day. god be with me.

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love everyone that has been in my life. i was trying to list out names of people i know of throughout my entire lifetime and i eventually got bored of recalling names and getting them down in a piece of recylcled paper. people that came across my life were significant to me at some point of time, which i treasure every single one of them. the feelings, the things that we've been thru, everything flashed thru my mind when i pen down the names. although it's just for a split second, it recalls memories of the past. there were much more than the names in the piece of paper, there were part of what makes my life.

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have been talking to people around recently. talking over the lunch table with brigitte just an hour ago sparks my thoughts in me doing a degree. she made a statement that she does not want to be just a student when she graduates. she wants working experiences cum knowlegde. what do i fond for? what do i want to actually want to achieve aside from just getting a degree? obviously i wanted something more than that, yet i don't know for sure what is "the thing". i admire people with the sense of goal, who knows what can make up their later part of lives, rather than just merely accepting what's coming. it so awesome talking to people, it gets me thinking...