thoughts...

22nd July 2008, Tuesday

there were times where this feeling felt so real...
it was a sense of bitterness, with a pinch of heartfelt sweetness...
i guess, i was missing someone...

there are certain time frame dedicated for certain people...
not that it was planned intentionally... rather, it comes with a little suprises, even to me, myself and i.
i guess i was just so inadequate in handling my own emotions, that's why i tend to feel so overwhelmed whenever this feeling invades my thoughts...
often, i have the tendency to reach for the old memories when i am dwelling in that period of missing someone, which will very much be comforting to me... the old, yet great memories...

i've been very much missing my mentors... ppl who are real, and people who took care of me during my phase of turbulence (as mentioned by philosophers to term teenage phase). indeed, i was rebellious and during those crucial times, they were there to guide me to adhere to the norm. as time goes by, they revealed the world to me, and left me there to discover the truth within. i was outraged, i was a rebel, i was hard-to-deal-with, yet they were there, relentlessly guiding me. i am who i am, and a big part of them came from them- pr victor, pr foo, uncle jit, hock man, and all...

nonetheless, the institution which i identified with, and was very glad to be in, was the church. that was the only institution that offered me the opportunity to lead a normal and exciting life, without the constraint of my strict and typical grandmother during those days. self-esteem were given meaning through all the exposure in church. constant encouragement from then, contributed to my self-efficacy, if one may ask why i am seen as being so confident.

in search for an answer, i found everything against religion. skepticism refrained me from believing in any. yet, there must be an almighty somewhere. if wasn't for him, i wouldn't be here.

alstalabista! i've been missing pastors. i dreamt of one few days ago, and it was all sweet and good. i read a blog of another, and i knew i missed out a lot of him. well... they are just so great. 100% affirmative.