sOmethIng ABT Me...

6th September 2006, Wednesday.

I finally figured that I will always be a loser in life, and will never be able to achieve anything in life. The fact that I am a loser has nothing to do with "oh, I am destined to be a loser", it’s just that unconsciously, I've already chosen my path ? the loser path.

Being fixated in the oral stage, as according to Freud's psychosexual development theory, I realized that the effects are becoming more evident now, i.e. LOVES TO EAT and drink, IMPATIENT, PESSIMISTIC, and always depress. I simply can’t cope with my unhealthy binge-ing habit, which contributed to exponential weight gain. Yupz, I am certainly a loser in managing my weight. I've told Sean before that if I were to die one day, most probably it's because of my unhealthy eating habit and diet. (HAHA!) The advertisement of those before-and-after photos made losing weight sounded so easy. How I wish I am a multi-millionaire that has more than enough to spend in those slimming center. And I am certainly pissed overhearing those "sticks" talking about how FAT, or even obese they are. What a world...

On another hand, I am awfully, extremely, exceptionally impatient.

"MOM! WHY CAN’T YOU JUST PICK UP THE PHONE? WHY MAKING ME CALL TWICE?"

"I'M SORRY, I HOPE THAT YOU HADN'T WAIT FOR A LONG WHILE."
"NAH~ JUST 15 MINUTES." (Add a little sarcastic tone.)

And the most critical problem with me is being so pessimistic. I can't seem to find anything positive to think of. I tried thanking God for everything I had, but it ended up that the devil had input me with much more to blame and complain. Nature or nurture? I chose nurture. Naturally I was born without any exposure and knowledge. What I am today is the result of what I’ve gone through when I was still a neonate, an infant and a toddler (the sensorimotor and preoperational stage). Obviously my parents have to be responsible for what I am today. Sometimes I just can't understand why my parents chose to bring me into this world since they (or should I say HE), decided that the only way out is to have a divorce?

Till here I guess there are some people out there, who is reading my blog, starts to point finger at me and comment that I am so irresponsible by playing the blaming game. I don't need to explain myself, everyone has their own view point and let's stick to it.

Arghh. I have been having sleepless nights for the past few days, I believed that today will be another sleepless night, and in the coming weeks, I am sure I will have sleepless nights too. Assignments coming up and due dates are to be met in a short period of time. What to do? Short semester..

Wee...