28th July 2oo6, Friday?
Once, I was very fragile
I never knew what it is like to have a FAMILY
Daddy was never by my side
Mummy was always busy working
Granny was always holding a cane
Uncle was busy pursuing his dream career, dream wife and dream future
Brother was only once my best friend
As I grew, I became a defective product
Emotionally defective
Spiritually defective
Mentally defective
Primary school was devastative
Jealousy aroused seeing schoolmates with parents
Parents driving them to school
Parents bringing lunches to school
Parents who wanted to know more about the children’s progress
I tried hard to get attention
Never did I succeed
Stealing, lying, fighting, crying
Yet no one realized
The emptiness in me
They thought I was just being
Naughty?
There were times
I cried outside the gate
Screaming and shouting
Just to beg mummy to turn back
And bring me home with her
Yet no one came to my comfort
They thought I was just being
Sickening?
There were times
I cried during a phone conversation
No one understands
Back then I was just in primary 6
Yet pressure was suffocating me
They thought I was just being
Lazy?
There were times
I cried alone at home
Pleading for someone to come back
Just to be by my side
When I was going through some complication
No one cares
About my life and death
They thought I was just
Exaggerating?
Getting older as time ticks away
I still feel the emptiness
And starting to hate the word FAMILY
Everyone is being so selfish in this household
Mummy starts to appreciate me more
How peculiar?
When someone grows older and older
They start to appreciate FAMILY
Because they can’t stand to be alone
Waiting for the end to come
Granny learns to talk softly to me now
How atypical?
Would it be because she needs a chauffeur?
Or might be the symptom of post-menopause?
Brother treats me like a princess
How sweet?
Only when he wants something from me
We manipulate one another in FAMILY
I need you, so I need to hold on to you
By giving you money
By buying things that you like
By throwing tantrums when things were not going our way
By calling you
By twisting the sentences and indirectly telling you
That I NEED YOU.
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2 comments:
hey gal, y suddenly so emotional??..
funny how i never really see the emotional part of u...
actually sometimes i feel almost the same as u
wat IS family?
mine only consists of 2 ppl
yes,we do have big family dinner every once a month, but, it didnt really felt like a FAMILY dinner
actually u know wat?
i still dun understand wat is family, wait till i have one of my own, mayb i can giv u the answer?
or if u have one earlier than me, tell me ya? =D
juz chill gal, always remember, deep down inside their hearts, they love u, yes they do
juz tht not everyone knows how to express it, even i, still dunno how to express love to my mum...
stay cool k?
u will find an answer one day...
i was emotionally NORMAL while i was typing this. it's just that this was what i find in the word FAMILY. obviously they cared for me, but i am too used to being a lone ranger in everything that i did in the past. they will never be the one where i can open up myself and talk to them. i might do so once in a while with my mom, but only to disclose those not-so-important-and-will-never-destroy-the-good-girl-image-of-mine-issue. maybe it's because i've choose to harden my heart and hold grudges towards certain people.
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