the day...

7th August 2oo6, Monday?

I can't understand myself, and how complicated I am feeling right now. I am "re-attached", and I am feeling happy, protected and dependent. Yet, I feel that I am not good enough for him. I am never sensitive to his needs, I feel uncommitted, I fear what the world thinks about us both, I always indirectly caused harm to him, maybe I am just being ? selfish.

He doesn't expect much from me, but I know that I am being unfair to him. I know that along the way, he will feel hurt, perhaps depress, for the things that I’ve done, and for the words I've spoken. It may be indirectly, without my realization. He might not show his sadness, or madness, his bad feelings, in front of me, nor will he confront me directly, as he is afraid of hurting me, and he knows that I will be hurt.

I wish that he will always be the one, that will only looks at the good side of this defected product, and protects me as he always did. Yet, I know very well that this will only result in me being a spoilt kid, and contribute to The-World-Will-Listen-To-Me-and-I-Shall-Be-The-King mindset. I am just making things complicated.