ParTy Yoz...

19th August 2oo6, Saturday.

?Hey, how have you been lately??
?What are you doing recently?
?Where have you been??

*Imagine that these words were spoken with a pathetic look, and never meant from the heart. It’s just a matter of entertaining the girl who was standing alone at the pit. This is peculiar, isn't it?*

Those were the questions that I've answered most for the day. I no longer feel the warmth and closeness. They seem like another group of strangers to me. I no longer understand what they were talking, I can't assimilate myself into the group, and I felt awfully uncomfortable.

?Are you not going to church anymore??
?I am looking for another church. When I found one I will.?

?So, you attend Sunday services huh? I hardly see you on Saturdays.?
?Oh yes, of course.?

I've been giving excuses to everyone, including my mom. I am sick of explaining what I was thinking, firstly because I can't express it well, and secondly, unless they really put themselves in my shoe, they just won't understand. Well, I am a good actress, but certainly, I can't lie to myself. I knew that I was too far away for Him, I knew that I am too lazy to grow, I knew that I did everything because I wanted to prove that He loves me. Yet, I was wrong, and so wrong. I am just an empty shell. (i call this the confession of a broken heart, but some will label me as the-attention-grabber-and naive girl.)

Kiff, you're right, I guess. I am starting to agree with your point. Oops, stephie liew, don't panic, I am just Starting to agree, not fully though. =)